Selfless.

All my life, I've desired to find that one special girl who could fulfill all my hopes and dreams. You know, the "Ted Mosby" view on life (How I Met Your Mother, for those who don't watch). The quest to find "The One", the journey to feel loved and fulfilled. Now, I've dated before. Once for 4 days, once for 8 months, and once for 1 month. Three relationships that have all had profound effects on my life's story. And Lord knows in between those times, I've talked and written enough (especially on this blog) about desiring to find my "One". But in my 22 years, I was missing one very important point, and, in the end, it's the whole point of being in relationships in the first place. I was missing the one thing that makes or breaks our dating, relational, and (though I don't personally know, but I'm guessing) your married life. I was missing what I'm guessing some never realize: Dating isn't about you. It's not. Dating and relationships aren't about fulfilling yourself. If that's the mentality you have, you will probably fail 9 out of 10 times. Either that, or your life will be incredibly frustrating, along with the life of your significant other.

When we get into a relationship with someone, in order for it to work to it's fullest extent, you must be willing to give up yourself and your own selfish desires and constantly put the other person ahead of yourself. That's hard to do in many cases, as we are human beings that are inherently selfish. But every so often, you meet someone that makes that idea easy. You WANT to give up for them. It's so natural that you don't even think about being selfless, it just comes out, because you care about them so much. They become so much more important than yourself that your would do anything to make them better, to make them smile, to build them up into the best person they can possibly be, to push them to the greatness that they are possible of being. You become selfless.

Now, I think most of us at least realize this, but a lot of us struggle with understanding it. It's nice in theory, but how often do we actually put it into practice when dating? I know I didn't really put any effort into being selfless in my past relationships. I always thought "I'll do my thing, they will do theirs, and it'll all work out". EEHHH! WRONG. Even though when it works between people, when they really just click and understand one another, it still takes work every so often to keep being selfless. As I said, we are inherently selfish beings, so to be in a place where you have to be selfless all the time, that can be tough.

Now, that being said, that still isn't the whole picture. For many who aren't Christians, it is, so more power to you if you've figured out the above. But i believe to be truly selfless, to be truly in the right place, your relationship can't be about yourself, and, while you must be willing to give your whole self to that person, it's ultimately about giving yourself and your relationship to God. Here's how I think it works: You give yourself to him/her, he/she gives herself to you, and TOGETHER you give your relationship to God. Ultimately, your relationship exists to reflect Jesus, to serve Jesus, to love Jesus. That's the whole point of Christian relationships. It's an alliance for Jesus. Ephesians 5:23 and 25: "Wives, submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord." and "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." now there's always discussion about "Why do women have to submit and men don't?" and "Why do husbands have to love their wives and women don't?" That's not the point of those verses. Those two things are what the two parties struggle with most. You have to read between the lines and see the context. This is what I see when I read that: "Husbands and wives, submit yourselves and love your spouses as Christ did for the Church."

It's all about Jesus. Everything you do, but especially your relationships. They are given to you so that you can be used in each other's lives to build each other up as you go through life and love and serve Jesus together. That's what it's all about.