Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy. I've posted on Facebook before that the reason I will be successful in life is because I'm crazy enough to think I can be. As this crazy journey continues, I find this statement to be more and more true. Currently, I'm am heading into my last month of interning at Pop2Life, I've been working gigs off and on, and I am living out of a hotel in Van Nuys. It's a cheap hotel, so we can afford it. Side effects of staying here include: sketchy wifi, creepy hallways, and prostitutes everywhere. But it's not horrible. I really don't have anything to complain about.
But I have no idea what direction my life is or even is supposed to head in. So far, all I know is that I'm learning a ton of things and that it is all leading to something, I just don't know what exactly. The skills I am slowly learning are way too specific to not think there is a guiding force behind it, so I'm really excited to see where it all leads. But what I do know is that I need to be doing the very best I can at what I'm doing now and ask a ton of questions. That will be the key. That, and meeting as many people as possible. And I think I'm doing all three of those things. And I hope I'm doing them well.
Something else I've noticed about my crazy life: The events that have transpired in the last year have changed me greatly from who I was just a year ago. I've grown up, I've learned hard lessons, I take life more seriously, I'm more cynical, I think more deeply about things, and I'm bold enough to do things I never thought I'd have the balls to do. But through all of those things, I also realize that I still know next to nothing about anything. And that I really don't have any control over mostly anything, but what I do have control over is how hard I work.
Entertainment is a crazy industry to get into. It is literally all about giving people a high and making them feel as good as possible for the short amount of time that they let you. Honestly, I've never understood it completely. People will pay so much money just to feel good for a few hours. I do it, you do it, we all do it! And sometimes, it's hard to decide what the point of it all is. But that's the point: What you do with your life has meaning, no matter what you are doing. Whether its a bad or good meaning, it still has meaning, especially when you've specifically handed it all over to God and asked Him to take care of it and guide it. I want to live a life of meaning, but not just of meaning, of good meaning. I want to take the skills I'm learning and apply it to what I do with my life, no matter what that turns out to be.
I need to learn to have focus. Right now, I feel like I'm just floating. I'm very much living in the moment these days, which is hard not to do when you don't know what you'll be doing or where you'll be in a week. But the problem with needing to focus is I need something to focus on in the future, which I also don't have right now. So I guess I'll keep floating along and see what is going to happen. Which, really, is crazy. But thats what I am: Crazy. And it's something that I will just have to get used to. Which, in all seriousness, I guess I've gotten used to being the last 21 years anyways, so... Bring on the craziness!
