To Go To Film School, Or Not To Go: That Is The Question.

Professionals are always speaking about what a young person should do to get ahead in life, but I personally never found that very helpful. Most of what they say are theories and may not necessarily based on real life experiences. But you know what? That's what I'm here to do for those of you film makers who are grappling with whether you should go to film school. I'm going to tell you my account of important experiences related to my journey to Hollywood. To be clear, I will speak less about my time in film school and more on the rest of the process. I think it'll be more impactful to talk about the lead up to getting into Hollywood, and where those experiences lead to.

I always loved watching movies, but the concept of actually being involved with the production of one didn't cross my mind until late in high school. Sure, I had been making silly little short films for fun for years, and even made a couple for class projects, but never did it seem like it could make a legitimate career choice. But then, in my senior year, my friend Josh and I set out to write, produce, direct, act in, and edit a 45 minute James Bond movie. This became each of our Senior Projects, and would be a prequel to Casino Royale called Preceding Duty. In all, the project took about a year to complete from genesis to final showing in public. Josh took on the writing and directing portions, and I took on the final editing and lead acting portions. Both of us learned a lot about working with others, how to throw together a project, and everything that can go wrong surrounding all of that.

Even through my personal hands on experience in filmmaking, I still had much to learn. On top of that, this project didn't add any of the essential connections it take to be successful in the film world. I could have packed up my stuff and moved to LA in a heartbeat, but I knew I wouldn't be successful. It is hard enough to make it in Hollywood if you are from a well known film college, let alone being a nobody from Oregon, so I started shopping around for schools. At the time, I was itching to get in school, learn what I needed to learn, and get out so I could be proactive as soon as I could. Instead of looking seriously at expensive state schools, I ended up looking into the smaller, more intimate ones. Thankfully, I found Compass College in Michigan. It was a big jump from where I was in Oregon, but I took the plunge and moved to Grand Rapids.

From the start, I dove right into classes, and rose through the ranks of the class over the course of the year. We learned all of the practical hands on things such as script writing, lighting, and directing. We were tested on the obscure things, such as what a C-47 or an applebox are, and worked on school films and sets. Outside of classes, we found ourselves constantly working on side projects. When you're in film school, filmmaking is all you think about all the time. It just sucks you in like that.

Beyond the normal learning that happens in school, I cannot stress enough how important it is to make as many connections with people at the school, whether it be with teachers, alumni, or administration. Those connections are often the ones you call on later for help in getting a job somewhere down the line. Trust me on this, I literally just sent an email to one of those people not an hour ago. Thanks to a trip to LA we took with our teachers during the year, I was able to get the information of a guy who later got me started in LA, and later was able to get me hired at Quixote Studios. See? Easy. OK, it was hardly an easy journey to get to that point, but it did require initiative and patience. And faith. Lot's of faith. Even with all of that, I still had to take jobs I didn't want, living places that would have horrified my mother, and spent money that I didn't really have. But in the end, I was able to take all of the knowledge and connections from film school and use all of them to land a really great job in Hollywood.

 Here's the problem with telling stories like this: No person's journey into film is the same. Ever. This story is bitter sweet. It's equally filled with success and stress, and I barely scratched the surface of the whole story. What's important is finding the right film program for you, as well as realizing you must be willing to work your hardest to get where you want to be. You will also almost never end up where you think you will, so flexibility is also a must. That all being said, to you all looking for fame and success, I bid you good luck! As Han Solo said, “You're gonna need it.”

Christians, Stop Condemning Homosexuals.

Most of the time, I try to stay silent on hot button issues. There are just too many implications to being a Christian, trying to be an active witness, and having hard core opinions. I get that Jesus wasn't afraid to say things that made people uncomfortable, but guess what? I'm not Jesus. I'm not God, so my opinions could be (could it be??) wrong.

But this is something I can't stay silent on anymore.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, I beg of you: You are hurting the Christian church with your loud mouthed opinions about homosexuality and gay marriage. You are. Now before you go judging my opinion, please hear me out first.

I was raised in a Christian family. I attended a Christian private school, I've gone to church all my life. I was heavily involved in my church's youth group. I went to Bible school. I went to a Christian film school. I attend a church here in Hollywood. I LOVE JESUS. With everything I am. I study the Bible as much as I can. I believe the Bible is 100% accurate in every way. I talk to my friends about God and the Bible when I am able. My whole life's drive is to serve the Lord. Nothing else comes before that. Nothing.

Growing up, I was very judgmental of homosexuals. I was taught that the Bible is very condemning of the idea, so it was also very easy for me to automatically condemn anyone who was homosexual. It was also very easy to be condemning because it was very uncomfortable for me. As I've gotten older and more experienced in life and circumstances, I've realized something very startling: The Church is approaching this from the exact wrong direction that we should be. Christ's message was one of love and salvation. While saying "there is only one way to heaven" is rough statement for may to grasp, Christ still commanded us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. As Christians, we tend to say "Love the sinner, hate the sin" a lot. But you know what? Homosexuality is different. It's hard for Christians to separate "homosexual the person" from "homosexuality the lifestyle". We as Christians know what we mean by "love the sinner, hate the sin", but know what that sounds like to homosexual? "We hate you, but want to cover it up with words." The whole drive in my life is to guide people to Christ, to let them see how much He loves them and wants them to be His children. But in order to be His child, we have to choose to start a relationship with Him. But who would want to be in a relationship with a God who's "followers" are constantly attacking and slandering who they are on a personal and intimate level?

I want to be a light for people, a guide, a reason for people to say "You're a Christian. Why is that so important to you? Why does it change you the way it does? Tell me more about Jesus."

Church, "Why do you look at the speck of dust in your brother's eye, but pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3. This verse applies directly to us. Why are we eager to point out these sins to others, but aren't willing to correct our own sins (in this case, unloving legalistic judgement and hate) We can't go around telling homosexuals "You're a SINNER! You need to REPENT!" That won't win anyone to Christ. That is a personal attack, not love. We as a church have to learn to unite in love and not judgement. Only after a person becomes a Brother or Sister in Christ do we have the right to come to them on a personal level to talk to them about their lifestyle (and only if you are close personal friends). To say "that thing you're doing, that is a sin" has no relevance in a non-Christian's life, and certainly does not put us in a position to condemn them, or even say anything against them.

Yes, we don't agree with homosexuality. But I don't go around saying it, because giving my opinion on this doesn't help anyone see Christ in a loving light. My opinion, and YOUR OPINION, does not matter. Not in this case. I'm not talking about laws, or who you hang out with, or anything like that. I am talking purely about our mission on this earth, and that is "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit" (Matthew 28:19). Does saying "these people need to repent!" help anything or draw anyone to Christ? Only some, but those people need to be told in a personal friend to friend situation, not a "I'm waving this statement like a flag" situation.

I love the church, but I am so disappointed in how we are handling this. We are attacking PEOPLE, children that God loves and wants to gather to Himself. But that's not going happen very often as long as we are, or at least come across as, hating.

Clarity.

As a Christian, one of the biggest things I tend to struggle with the most is clarity. Up to this point, I've seemed to wander around, bumping into things (which weirdly turn out exactly the way they should), and writing the story day by day that is my life. As a Christian, I believe with all my heart that God is has already written my story out and holds my hand as I make my way through this thing called life. God asks us to pray about everything in life. Even though He knows all, He still wants us to interact with Him on our own accord. That's how this wonderful relationship works: He loves and guides us, and we love and trust Him. It's wonderful really, to know that the God who created and sustains the Universe wants a personal and intimate relationship with us small, tiny, sinful human beings.

However, since we are small, tiny, sinful human beings, we forget that He is in control. He has exactly what needs to be happening going on. I know I forget that everyday.

My whole life, I've always known what's next. In elementary school, you knew middle school was coming. In middle school, you knew high school was coming. In high school, you knew college was coming, or for me, Ecola. After Ecola, I knew film school was coming. After film school, I knew I was moving to LA for an internship. After the internship, I quickly found a job. After that, I found a better job, which is where I'm at now. But in these last couple months, my whole world has been shaken up. I don't know what the next step is anymore. I always knew in my heart of hearts that I'd probably end up leaving LA at some point, I just didn't know why or in what capacity. And, I guess even now, I still don't. but I do have a better idea.

But I still hate not knowing what's coming next. I hate not having some control of my future. Or at least feeling like I had some sort of control.

Trusting God is a weird process. I wish with everything that I am that I woke up everyday, had enough faith to give it all to Him and have no worries about anything. I really wish that. But I don't. In fact, I worry way more than I'd like to admit. Most of the time I try to just get up, go do my thing, which is usually work, and come home and hang out with my girlfriend. That seems to be my life for the most part. But that's not bad. That's a normal day for a lot of the human race. But I'm not normal. I don't want an ordinary life. I want an extraordinary life. Which, for a worrier, that doesn't mix so well a lot of the time. extraordinary usually equals not knowing what's next. We pray and pray for guidance, for clarity. But most of the time for me, God just says "Let now be now" or "Just keep going and keep trusting me". So irritating sometimes. I plead with God to let me in on the big secret of what the rest of my life is going to look like, but of course He wants us to trust Him for those details.

But every so often, God allows a sneak peek, a moment where everything you worry about becomes clear, even if you don't know what exactly is becoming clear. That moment when everything is ok, and everything will work out, and you know it, you feel it. God gives you what you need when you need it in those moments. Tonight I had that experience. Everything was put into order. Everything that needs to matter to me was in focus, and everything I need to trust God on was clear. I know what I need to be doing right now. I can see the things that God wants me to focus on. And they are good.

Why should we worry? God's got this. In fact, God had this before there even was a "this". And that is a very comforting thought. :)

Selfless.

All my life, I've desired to find that one special girl who could fulfill all my hopes and dreams. You know, the "Ted Mosby" view on life (How I Met Your Mother, for those who don't watch). The quest to find "The One", the journey to feel loved and fulfilled. Now, I've dated before. Once for 4 days, once for 8 months, and once for 1 month. Three relationships that have all had profound effects on my life's story. And Lord knows in between those times, I've talked and written enough (especially on this blog) about desiring to find my "One". But in my 22 years, I was missing one very important point, and, in the end, it's the whole point of being in relationships in the first place. I was missing the one thing that makes or breaks our dating, relational, and (though I don't personally know, but I'm guessing) your married life. I was missing what I'm guessing some never realize: Dating isn't about you. It's not. Dating and relationships aren't about fulfilling yourself. If that's the mentality you have, you will probably fail 9 out of 10 times. Either that, or your life will be incredibly frustrating, along with the life of your significant other.

When we get into a relationship with someone, in order for it to work to it's fullest extent, you must be willing to give up yourself and your own selfish desires and constantly put the other person ahead of yourself. That's hard to do in many cases, as we are human beings that are inherently selfish. But every so often, you meet someone that makes that idea easy. You WANT to give up for them. It's so natural that you don't even think about being selfless, it just comes out, because you care about them so much. They become so much more important than yourself that your would do anything to make them better, to make them smile, to build them up into the best person they can possibly be, to push them to the greatness that they are possible of being. You become selfless.

Now, I think most of us at least realize this, but a lot of us struggle with understanding it. It's nice in theory, but how often do we actually put it into practice when dating? I know I didn't really put any effort into being selfless in my past relationships. I always thought "I'll do my thing, they will do theirs, and it'll all work out". EEHHH! WRONG. Even though when it works between people, when they really just click and understand one another, it still takes work every so often to keep being selfless. As I said, we are inherently selfish beings, so to be in a place where you have to be selfless all the time, that can be tough.

Now, that being said, that still isn't the whole picture. For many who aren't Christians, it is, so more power to you if you've figured out the above. But i believe to be truly selfless, to be truly in the right place, your relationship can't be about yourself, and, while you must be willing to give your whole self to that person, it's ultimately about giving yourself and your relationship to God. Here's how I think it works: You give yourself to him/her, he/she gives herself to you, and TOGETHER you give your relationship to God. Ultimately, your relationship exists to reflect Jesus, to serve Jesus, to love Jesus. That's the whole point of Christian relationships. It's an alliance for Jesus. Ephesians 5:23 and 25: "Wives, submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord." and "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." now there's always discussion about "Why do women have to submit and men don't?" and "Why do husbands have to love their wives and women don't?" That's not the point of those verses. Those two things are what the two parties struggle with most. You have to read between the lines and see the context. This is what I see when I read that: "Husbands and wives, submit yourselves and love your spouses as Christ did for the Church."

It's all about Jesus. Everything you do, but especially your relationships. They are given to you so that you can be used in each other's lives to build each other up as you go through life and love and serve Jesus together. That's what it's all about.

Chapters, This One and the Next.

I don't like to blog unless I feel like I have something worth saying, which seems to be the opposite mentality of how I treat my Facebook. I'll post anything on there without thinking. But this blog is different. It means something to me.

I have been struck recently with how much change happens in a lifetime, and how quickly it happens out of nowhere. Take it from me. In the last 3 years alone, I have moved away from home, lived on the Oregon Coast, gone to Bible school, did a Summer Ministry Team, moved to Michigan, attended film school, produced 2 films, moved into my best friend's house, did an internship, moved into a hotel, moved home for a month, moved back into my best friend's house, got a job at a Hollywood studio, moved into an apartment in North Hollywood, met a few famous actors, switched departments at work, watched my best friend now get married, and went to Kansas to watch my best friend from high school get married. And now, my life is under going a huge change once again: Dating.

I thought, since I had dated a couple times before, that I knew what I was doing, that I was "experienced". WRONG. Once again, my idea of what my life would be like or should be like is being redefined. Not in bad ways, but in incredibly good ways. She brings out things in me I always knew were there, but never knew what to do with, so I never addressed them. For example, I've always wanted to live abroad, but it never seemed in the cards. But because she does too, now I could see myself actually pursuing that. The point is I've always wanted to live an active life, and with her, she pushes that side out of be into the possibility of reality.

Life is extremely fluid, and sometimes that fluid can get stormy. I think it's easier for us humans usually to just find an anchor and stay put. Maybe that's a town, or a house, a spouse, or a job. Something that becomes constant. I think we get addicted to that stability and in many cases stop moving. Which, as a Christian, I see as becoming a lukewarm Christian, as spoken of in Revelation 3:16. Granted, I might be lumping all Christians into an unfair lump, but that's what I see in so much of the American Christian Church. I see complacency, and I know I'm apart of it. I don't want to be. I want to be an active part of God's plan for modern humanity, and I'm tired of sitting on my butt. Yeah, I work a 8, or sometimes 12, hour a day job. I know that's my life right now. But as I look ahead at my life to come, I don't want to be a Sunday Christian. I want to keep moving, keep proclaiming the gospel, keep helping people where they need help. That's my true passion. That's why I got into film in the first place, to change lives.

What does this all mean for me? All I know if I'm being told to let today be today, or "Let now be now", as I've been told. Something is being built up in me. Something big is coming. The next chapter is being prepped. But this chapter is still being written. And it's already proving to be the best one yet. God is a REALLY good writer.

The Horror Genre, and Why I Love It.

I am new to the horror movie genre. Well, relatively. I've only been watching them for about a year now. Before then, I couldn't get into them. As a child, I would be scared easily and I couldn't handle pretty much anything scary whatsoever. But as I grew up, I started watching more and more thrillers, so I learned how to handle things that can get into your head and freak you out more and more. But there is a difference between thrillers and horror, so why suddenly the change of heart?

Well, I can honestly say it started with the show 'Supernatural'. They deal with a lot of things that are on the more freaky side. I first tried the series when I was at Ecola Bible School, and the show made me feel uncomfortable, as if I was committing some sort of sin by watching the show. After all, generally shows that involve demons usually aren't' smiled upon by Christians. When I came back to the show a year later, I was in film school, and things were different. I was more into the art of filmmaking. I had matured to the point where I was able to watch it and separate the art from the content. But I still found the content really cool. Why? Because the show depicts spiritual warfare! Spiritual warfare is something many Christians shy away from. I feel like we don't think about the spiritual battles being waged around us constantly. Supernatural, while not Biblically sound, was able to physicalize a spiritual battleground, which I find fascinating. In fact, it grew my faith in that I thought about the battles being waged around me. I grew aware of them. Which, I think is a good thing, especially living in Hollywood, where there is much evil that people are unaware of.

Then, I befriended Scott Derrickson, last year, who directed Sinister. Sinister was the first horror film that I saw in theaters. It was then I understood. Good cerebral horror movies know how to scare you. Not GORE movies. I hate gore movies. They put themselves under the horror genre, but I really don't think they belong there.

I walked out of Sinister with a new interest: Why do horror movies scare us? It's something I love figuring out. I really love the feeling of being scared. But why do these movies scare us? What filmmaking tactics are most effective and most well received? It's fascinating! Beyond that, what are the subconscious tactics they use? I have a lot of fears in my life, fears of the future mostly, which causes anxiety, etc. But with horror movies, I know exactly what's scaring me. It's right there on the screen and in the soundtrack. I love figuring out why the good horrors are good and the bad horrors are bad. It's a lot of fun! The feeling of not knowing what is going to happen next is one of the most thrilling things I've ever experienced. But the difference between not knowing what is going to happen next in a movie, and not knowing what is going to happen next in life is that you know the movie will be over in 2 hours. Life is more scary because you don't know when things will be resolved. I like things in life to be resolved, so when they aren't quickly, I hate it. But with movies, they take us out of the real world, scare us for two hours, then throw us back out. It's also the throwing us back out that is interesting to me too. Horror movies don't keep me up at night, but they do make me think.

Horrors usually have something to do with killers or ghosts or monsters, or all three. Killers and monsters don't have an overall effect on me, unless the monsters are demons, because I know demons are real. So it leaves ghosts (and demons). Those are the ones that scare me most. They scare me because I don't understand them, yet I know they are both real to either some extent (ghosts) or to a long extent (demons). These movies make me think about the spiritual world like no other genre can do. That's a major reason I love these movies. For me, God has used them in my life to make me more aware of the battles that are raging around us, the battles we can't see.

And, it has made me more aware of the incredible Godly protection I am under. And I love that.

Grabbing Life By The Horns.

Last night, I saw The Spectacular Now, and I must say, I loved it. It brought back all of the nostalgia of high school and why I actually enjoyed myself for the most part during those 4 years. It also brought back the nostalgia of that first long intensive high school romance that so many of us experience. This movie brought back all the good memories of growing up. Lately, I've been focusing on the bad memories, as if they were the only ones to shape who I am. I don't know why, it was a phase. But after seeing this movie, along with other factors recently, I'm starting to remember the positive things too.

We are all molded by the events of our lives. I am a Christian, so I also believe in prayer, The power of the Bible, and God's control of our lives if we give it up to Him. Since my sophomore year of high school, I have been actively pursuing a solid relationship with Jesus. I know that may sound weird to non-Christians, but I can tell you, it's as real as any other friendship or relationship. In fact it's the deepest I've ever known. I ask God every day to make me into the man he wants me to be, to guide me through this life, to allow me to make the decisions necessary to be the man He wants me to be. I desire to have an effect on this world for the positive, so I ask Him constantly to build that within me. And he has. And is. And is continuing to. But what does that mean? I don't know exactly. but I feel that I am nearing the end of my time growing into manhood. I still feel like a kid in so many ways, but I am growing so close to the point where I will stop growing up into manhood and start expanding on who I am as a man. The foundation has been built, now its time to use that foundation to start framing the walls.

Since I believe my life is being guided by a higher power, I can look back on my life to gain some perspective on where I am going in life. I was raised in a solid family, and I am very committed to my family. Plus, when I fall for girls, I fall pretty hard. I don't just fall for anyone. In fact, I have crushes very sparingly. So I know that whatever serious relationships, and eventually family, that I have, I'll be all in and fully committed. I also know that I get very passionate about what I do career-wise. I want to change the world for good, and I've never been afraid to dream bigger than what seems to be attainable. I had a dream to go to film school, then move to Hollywood, and start gaining connections in the film business. Seems crazy right? Well, here I am. So i've decided to dream big again. I want to create my own production company, one that would have multiple areas of operations, namely LA and Portland. There's so much untapped potential in Portland and in Oregon as a whole, and I want to tap into that! In the short run, I want to start creating cheap quality short films, so I'm going to take up writing. I never thought I'd ever return to writing, but it's a skill I want to refine and use to my advantage. I want to be as valuable to this industry as possible. Thirdly, I also seem to have learned to be an influence on friends, to be able to help them out in any way I can. I love helping people, and I hope to somehow keep applying that to helping people in need, and to helping my friends be all that they can be as well. I don't want to be in this industry for strictly myself, I believe we all have to stick together and help each other through. So many people have enemies in this town, and it's only a matter of time before I do too, but I don't want enemies. I want allies and friends.

I have been incredibly blessed. I have had rough times to teach me to love the good times, and I certainly have good times as well. We all have to learn to look back in order to build upon who we are becoming as people. It's time for me to take control of my future and who I'm growing to be and actively grow. I'm tired of waiting for life to come to me. I'm going to go and grab it by the horns for myself.

And I ask God to guide me to the right bulls.