Death.
It's a mystery that has been pondered about ever since the beginning of mankind. Some believe that this there is this life and then nothing after you die. Others, such as myself, believe in heaven and hell as destinations for those who die. But no matter what you think, its a reality we all have to deal with. When you're young, you think that death can't touch you, that you're invincible. It's just the way it is, whether we mean to be like that or not. But we all have to confront it sooner or later.
I used to approach the concept of death very cavalierly. I didn't mean to, but I just couldn't wrap my head around the fragility of life. After a year of Bible school, I approached death in the way that 'when I go, I go. Whenever, the sooner the better', with almost no regard to this present physical life. But the events of the first of this month changed all that. I know I talked about totaling my truck in my last post, but I'm still learning things from it and sorting them out. I now realize that anyone and everyone around me could die at anytime, just like that. If God will's it to be their time, then that's His will. But that makes me all the more aware of the urgency of talking to them as often as possible and telling them that I love them as often as possible. For example, my Dad had a medical emergency this past week. Its more proof that things can spring on us out of nowhere with no warning whatsoever.
It has become my view that since God is in control, and ultimately His Will will be done, regardless of what we do, every person is on earth for a purpose. In my view, there are basically two types of people in the world: Those who have found God's amazing gift of His Son Jesus, and those God is still seeking. (I could say that, Biblically, there is a third party, those whom God has not predestined, but to conclude that would be to know the mind of God, which I surely do not.) I, as a follower of Christ, have been called to live out a life that reflects Christ to others. And because of that, and because I am still here on earth, means that I still have a purpose, that God's not done with me.
And it's true of you too: You are still here on earth because God wants you to be.
And I find that incredible. When I look at my life, where I've been, what I've done, what I'm doing, and knowing that I have many more imperfections in the future, I don't deserve this life. So many people say that "they have rights". No. We don't. When it comes down to it, we are being held by a tiny thread, a thread controlled by God. As the rapper Lecrae says "If we fought for our rights, we'd be in hell tonight." But we're not. God's not done with you!
I've been pondering these things a lot lately, wondering how they effect my life and such. But watching "The Grey" tonight (which I recommend heavily, but don't pay ANY attention to the marketing) reminded me of my fears. I used to not have fears, but God woke me up to my mortality, and I am incredibly thankful for that, even though I had to learn a hard way (even though it really wasn't that hard, since I wasn't physically hurt at all, just psychologically). That's what life is: going through various things that build us up and, hopefully and prayerfully, brings us closer to the God of this universe!
I pray, even though I use these blogs to talk things out with myself and to put them down in ink, that my posts drive people to to think, to ponder, and to take a look at God. I serve an amazing God. But you have to seek Him for yourself. Even though I try to describe God when I can, it's like trying to describe chocolate to someone who's never tasted it: You just have to taste it themselves to understand!
So I leave you with this:
Psalm 34:8- "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Perspectives: They're Just Different
Life is a funny thing. We all grow up and, through various events, develop individual views of the world. This is something I've been fighting with during this new school year: If everyone is created by the same God, how could everyone's view of life be so different?
One of the first things I noticed after I moved to GR was that the perspectives attained in life on the East side of the country are radically different from the West. I can't explain why, or even what most of those perspectives stem from, but the fact is it's there. I'm sure that most people here, though maybe not out loud, would say that I'm a strange boy from a far away land. And it's true! I've come from a completely different background than these Mid-Westerners. (By the way, why is it called the Mid West when it's on the East side of the country?) So when I started looking into the perspectives on God and life, I got confused for a while. Why are their views so different? And, more importantly, could my views be wrong?
As I dove more and more into life here, I wanted less and less to be here. Yes, I'm going to film school, but I just wanted Jesus. Nothing compared. After spending so much one on one time with Him last year, the work here seemed so trivial. I fell more and more into that line of thinking. Then I went home. I thought it would get better. And it did! But then I realized that home wasn't really home anymore. Though I would do anything to be with my family, it wasn't the place I lived a year and a half ago. So I went to Cannon Beach and, as you know from previous posts, it was just a place of ghosts now. So I sunk deeper and deeper into my "Ug. Lord, can You just come?" line of thinking.
But then it hit me.
Literally.
I was driving back from Cannon Beach on the Thursday before I was to fly back to MI. I had stayed to long and was driving back late. My check engine light had come on, so I stopped at the gas station right before you start gaining elevation and called my parents about it. They said to keep an eye on it, so I continued up the pass. At 9:45, after the big bridge across the gorge, I hit a sheet of ice. I was not aware of the cold, let alone the ice, so I was driving at about 50-55 mph and not in 4 wheel drive. I hit the ice, swerved left, I tried to regain, over corrected and swerved right. After that, I do not remember. I was conscious the whole time, but my instinct was to grab the wheel, keep my head down, and hold on.
From the wreckage, it appears that my truck made a 180 and hit the guard rain and road sign on the drivers side, going backwards. It was a long 10 seconds. The longest of my life. The first thing I thought coming out was "Oh no! My parents don't have the money for this!" I felt around, slowly realizing that, yes, this had really just happened. I felt in the cup holder for my phone. It wasn't there. I climbed out of the passenger side, as the drivers side was too smashed up to get out of. I looked around on the ground for my phone. Ya right. So I went back to the truck to check on stuff. My camera was fine. My sunglasses were fine. My tri-pod was fine. And my phone has somehow ended up underneath me in the drivers seat. I called my parents, a wreck. Through various events, ODOT showed up and called my a tow truck, my Dad made it up to my crash site, and EMTs and State Police came up. The EMTs took a look at the wreckage and weren't sure how I came out of it without a scratch. I know how: The grace of God.
God used that night to change everything. First off, I don't want to die. I came face to face with my own mortality for the first time, and it scared me out of death. Second, I realized the reality of the fragility of life. Anyone around me could die, just like that. God keeps us all alive for a reason. For some, its because He wants to use them. For many, its because He's giving them chances everyday to discover His amazing, amazing love for them. I tell people, especially my family, "I love you." as often as possible. I realize that I am here for a reason.
The thing that has changed in me the most is something I only discovered this week: Most Christian perspectives on God are correct. Yes, we all have slightly different perceptions of Him. But I believe God gives us each little glimpses of who He is because our minds are too small to comprehend Him. I have been talking quite a bit with a guy from school who is Eastern Orthodox, which shook my perspectives up quite a bit. I started asking myself if I was wrong about who God is, but what I've realized is no. He sees one side of God, and I see another. It's not right, not wrong, just different. The experience I had with God last year was 100% real. And I know that because others are continuing in that reality.
So I have to remember that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Yes, life goes on, showing me new and different things, growing in who I am. And so I go on, learning and growing, and I wait on God's timing. He is in control. As long as I am praying to be in His Will, He will help me step by step towards that Will. And it will be in His own unique plan for me.
One of the first things I noticed after I moved to GR was that the perspectives attained in life on the East side of the country are radically different from the West. I can't explain why, or even what most of those perspectives stem from, but the fact is it's there. I'm sure that most people here, though maybe not out loud, would say that I'm a strange boy from a far away land. And it's true! I've come from a completely different background than these Mid-Westerners. (By the way, why is it called the Mid West when it's on the East side of the country?) So when I started looking into the perspectives on God and life, I got confused for a while. Why are their views so different? And, more importantly, could my views be wrong?
As I dove more and more into life here, I wanted less and less to be here. Yes, I'm going to film school, but I just wanted Jesus. Nothing compared. After spending so much one on one time with Him last year, the work here seemed so trivial. I fell more and more into that line of thinking. Then I went home. I thought it would get better. And it did! But then I realized that home wasn't really home anymore. Though I would do anything to be with my family, it wasn't the place I lived a year and a half ago. So I went to Cannon Beach and, as you know from previous posts, it was just a place of ghosts now. So I sunk deeper and deeper into my "Ug. Lord, can You just come?" line of thinking.
But then it hit me.
Literally.
I was driving back from Cannon Beach on the Thursday before I was to fly back to MI. I had stayed to long and was driving back late. My check engine light had come on, so I stopped at the gas station right before you start gaining elevation and called my parents about it. They said to keep an eye on it, so I continued up the pass. At 9:45, after the big bridge across the gorge, I hit a sheet of ice. I was not aware of the cold, let alone the ice, so I was driving at about 50-55 mph and not in 4 wheel drive. I hit the ice, swerved left, I tried to regain, over corrected and swerved right. After that, I do not remember. I was conscious the whole time, but my instinct was to grab the wheel, keep my head down, and hold on.
From the wreckage, it appears that my truck made a 180 and hit the guard rain and road sign on the drivers side, going backwards. It was a long 10 seconds. The longest of my life. The first thing I thought coming out was "Oh no! My parents don't have the money for this!" I felt around, slowly realizing that, yes, this had really just happened. I felt in the cup holder for my phone. It wasn't there. I climbed out of the passenger side, as the drivers side was too smashed up to get out of. I looked around on the ground for my phone. Ya right. So I went back to the truck to check on stuff. My camera was fine. My sunglasses were fine. My tri-pod was fine. And my phone has somehow ended up underneath me in the drivers seat. I called my parents, a wreck. Through various events, ODOT showed up and called my a tow truck, my Dad made it up to my crash site, and EMTs and State Police came up. The EMTs took a look at the wreckage and weren't sure how I came out of it without a scratch. I know how: The grace of God.
God used that night to change everything. First off, I don't want to die. I came face to face with my own mortality for the first time, and it scared me out of death. Second, I realized the reality of the fragility of life. Anyone around me could die, just like that. God keeps us all alive for a reason. For some, its because He wants to use them. For many, its because He's giving them chances everyday to discover His amazing, amazing love for them. I tell people, especially my family, "I love you." as often as possible. I realize that I am here for a reason.
The thing that has changed in me the most is something I only discovered this week: Most Christian perspectives on God are correct. Yes, we all have slightly different perceptions of Him. But I believe God gives us each little glimpses of who He is because our minds are too small to comprehend Him. I have been talking quite a bit with a guy from school who is Eastern Orthodox, which shook my perspectives up quite a bit. I started asking myself if I was wrong about who God is, but what I've realized is no. He sees one side of God, and I see another. It's not right, not wrong, just different. The experience I had with God last year was 100% real. And I know that because others are continuing in that reality.
So I have to remember that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Yes, life goes on, showing me new and different things, growing in who I am. And so I go on, learning and growing, and I wait on God's timing. He is in control. As long as I am praying to be in His Will, He will help me step by step towards that Will. And it will be in His own unique plan for me.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
SMT, Part 8= Camp Morrow- Back to the Past
This weekend is the Ecola Reunion back in Cannon Beach. Sadly, since I'm in Grand Rapids with no money or time, there was NO WAY I could have ever gotten back there to participate. But being there with everyone or not, I'm still feeling nostalgic towards the past year, especially with SMT. It snowed this week, so therefore I miss summer, and because I miss summer, I miss camp ministry A TON. Though I'll be making movies this summer at school, I won't be doing any camp ministry (At least, as far as I can tell. God can get me somewhere if He wants me somewhere at some point.). So I've been going through Facebook pictures since last night, reliving the camp experiences and confronting some of the ghosts I've previously mentioned.
So getting back to this brief story of my summer, we took off from Five Mile Lake in Federal Way, WA and made our way south down I-5 towards Oregon. When we crossed the WA/OR border, we were ecstatic! It was the first time I had been in Oregon in a month, the longest I had ever been out of the state before that point. We were so happy to the the Portland city scape from a distance. There is just something so magical about Oregon... It really is my first love. We made our way east towards Matt and Katie's house again in Redmond, and continued on to Bend, where we visited their Grandfather, who was coming to his last days, which is why we went out of way to go there. We had been praying for his salvation for months up to this point and it was that day that we received some amazing news: He had accepted Christ! That was so amazing for Matt and Katie to come home to. :)
And so we made our way to Camp Morrow in Wamic, OR. This camp was extremely cool for Katie, Matt, and I because it's the camp we all have been previously appart of. Katie and Matt were staff during previous summers (in fact, it was there that Matt had rededicated his life to the Lord). And though I never went to Morrow itself, my high school camp, Columbia River Bible Camp, used the grounds the week after Morrow was done for the summer (which was the next week after ours which Kylie Marble, a girl I'd attended the camp with, and the other SMT got to go to). So it was really cool to go back and be in a place that had changed my life so much.
First off, the theme of the camp was really cool. It was army themed, and our shirts and name tags were awesome! Anywho, my cabin's name was 'Corinth', a cabin I had been in during my senior year of high school with an Ecola grad as my counselor, so felt really cool and grown up. I had a cabin of 6 boys: Nathan, Orville, Alex, Chance, Hayden, and Orlando, and my co-counselor was Norm. It was a great group of boys, who I believe were 4th-6th grade if I remember right. These boys were amazing! At first I was worried, as some seemed too out of control for me, but when we got to know each other, they soon learned to respect me and my rule of law. These boys asked the most amazing questions about the Bible, questions which blew away the other counselors during the morning meetings. I found myself in a cabin who once again were all Christians already, so it was my job to help grow them as much as I was able. And they were so hungry! It made my life so happy :)
My biggest challenge, yet blessing was Orlando. He had ADHD, and not the fake label type. It was legit. Chapel was the craziest, as he didn't have the capacity to sit still or not talk. So during worship, he would do parkure and during speaker time, he would yell out things like, "Jesus!" or "Bob 4!" or (my personal favorite "Bob 1 and Bob 4 have moved in together!" At first, I thought he would be the torment of my soul. But as time went on, I loved him more and more. It started out being "No... he's not my camper..." to "YA! That's my kid!"
The single most impactful thing that Orlando did for me was on the very last day. The kids had packed up and the parents had arrived. We were in the final chapel time and Orlando was going crazy during the worship time. When the speaker got up to speak, I reigned Orlando in and forced him into my lap. He was looking around and he spotted his parents. He looked up at me and said, "My mommy and daddy are here!" I told him to pay attention for just a little longer and he curled up in my lap. In that single moment, I knew I wanted to be a dad. Before that point, it had just been an expected option, but right there in that moment, I knew I wanted to be a dad.
This was a camp that I met a ton of people and got to know them really well. A lot of camps I got to know people here and there, but at Morrow, we are instantly part of the family. From doing games out in the field, to being in charge of boats in the afternoon, to doing Bible memory time (which the camp executed BEAUTIFULLY) with Melanie, to frisbee golf with my campers, this camp will forever be in my heart. Also, this was the week that Brian Chan, my RA at Ecola, and his then fiance Joanna came to visit, which was so great and just what I needed that week! :)
This one was really hard to say goodbye to. But we did. We packed up and hit the road toward our final camp in Montana. Then we realized that I had forgotten our Ecola board in the chapel and we had to go back and grab it.
Then we continued onward.
So getting back to this brief story of my summer, we took off from Five Mile Lake in Federal Way, WA and made our way south down I-5 towards Oregon. When we crossed the WA/OR border, we were ecstatic! It was the first time I had been in Oregon in a month, the longest I had ever been out of the state before that point. We were so happy to the the Portland city scape from a distance. There is just something so magical about Oregon... It really is my first love. We made our way east towards Matt and Katie's house again in Redmond, and continued on to Bend, where we visited their Grandfather, who was coming to his last days, which is why we went out of way to go there. We had been praying for his salvation for months up to this point and it was that day that we received some amazing news: He had accepted Christ! That was so amazing for Matt and Katie to come home to. :)
And so we made our way to Camp Morrow in Wamic, OR. This camp was extremely cool for Katie, Matt, and I because it's the camp we all have been previously appart of. Katie and Matt were staff during previous summers (in fact, it was there that Matt had rededicated his life to the Lord). And though I never went to Morrow itself, my high school camp, Columbia River Bible Camp, used the grounds the week after Morrow was done for the summer (which was the next week after ours which Kylie Marble, a girl I'd attended the camp with, and the other SMT got to go to). So it was really cool to go back and be in a place that had changed my life so much.
First off, the theme of the camp was really cool. It was army themed, and our shirts and name tags were awesome! Anywho, my cabin's name was 'Corinth', a cabin I had been in during my senior year of high school with an Ecola grad as my counselor, so felt really cool and grown up. I had a cabin of 6 boys: Nathan, Orville, Alex, Chance, Hayden, and Orlando, and my co-counselor was Norm. It was a great group of boys, who I believe were 4th-6th grade if I remember right. These boys were amazing! At first I was worried, as some seemed too out of control for me, but when we got to know each other, they soon learned to respect me and my rule of law. These boys asked the most amazing questions about the Bible, questions which blew away the other counselors during the morning meetings. I found myself in a cabin who once again were all Christians already, so it was my job to help grow them as much as I was able. And they were so hungry! It made my life so happy :)
My biggest challenge, yet blessing was Orlando. He had ADHD, and not the fake label type. It was legit. Chapel was the craziest, as he didn't have the capacity to sit still or not talk. So during worship, he would do parkure and during speaker time, he would yell out things like, "Jesus!" or "Bob 4!" or (my personal favorite "Bob 1 and Bob 4 have moved in together!" At first, I thought he would be the torment of my soul. But as time went on, I loved him more and more. It started out being "No... he's not my camper..." to "YA! That's my kid!"
The single most impactful thing that Orlando did for me was on the very last day. The kids had packed up and the parents had arrived. We were in the final chapel time and Orlando was going crazy during the worship time. When the speaker got up to speak, I reigned Orlando in and forced him into my lap. He was looking around and he spotted his parents. He looked up at me and said, "My mommy and daddy are here!" I told him to pay attention for just a little longer and he curled up in my lap. In that single moment, I knew I wanted to be a dad. Before that point, it had just been an expected option, but right there in that moment, I knew I wanted to be a dad.
This was a camp that I met a ton of people and got to know them really well. A lot of camps I got to know people here and there, but at Morrow, we are instantly part of the family. From doing games out in the field, to being in charge of boats in the afternoon, to doing Bible memory time (which the camp executed BEAUTIFULLY) with Melanie, to frisbee golf with my campers, this camp will forever be in my heart. Also, this was the week that Brian Chan, my RA at Ecola, and his then fiance Joanna came to visit, which was so great and just what I needed that week! :)
This one was really hard to say goodbye to. But we did. We packed up and hit the road toward our final camp in Montana. Then we realized that I had forgotten our Ecola board in the chapel and we had to go back and grab it.
Then we continued onward.
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