When you have a blog which people actually read, you must be careful of what you write, especially when approaching things that you want to get off your chest. As quoted from 'Social Network' by Rooney Mara's character: "The internet is not written in pencil, it's written in ink."
But I need to do this, so here goes nothing.
It's strange the way life works. At least mine is. As a general standard throughout my life, the best times have also been at the same time as my worst times. For example, SMT last summer was one of the best experiences of my life, but it was also one of the most trying. And I have solidified in my mind that, yes, I am an artist. How do I know? Because I tend to be very bi-polar, like most artists. (Just look at David's psalms!)
The same goes for this year. Being here in Michigan has been extremely hard for me. Yet being able to be in a film school, learning the basics with a faculty who actually cares, has also been a huge blessing. Let's face it: not many people get to go into an industry that they are completely in love with.
This last week has been filled with some of the highest highs I've had in a long time, but it's also brought some of the lowest lows I've had in a long time.
Last week, I was chosen to be one of five producers for Compass College's 2012 Thesis films. This is a huge honor, and has been a huge whirlwind of craziness. In a matter of a week, pitched ourselves, been chosen, we've chosen stories, and are about to choose our Directors and Writers. It's a huge amount of stress, probably the most I've been under ever. And this month is the easy month. Don't get me wrong, I want this. I want to learn how to be an amazing producers. It's what I want to do for the rest of my life. (Sometimes I wonder if I'm just plain crazy, but God made me this way for a reason haha)
This last weekend, I got to go to Moran Park Church and ran slideshow for the first time since high school. And boy was it great! It felt so good to be apart of a ministry again, which is something I have longed for for the last 7 months. And the church is filled with a fire for God, an amazing fire you rarely find in this country anymore! I am so blessed to be able to be apart of that church now!
I miss the west coast. I miss Oregon specifically. That's been the single hardest part about this year. The mid-west is just... bland. It's boring. It's entrapping. I've never felt settled here. This entire year, I've felt like my apartment is just some place I'm sleeping. It's never felt like home. And Grand Rapids is the same way. The loyalty that Michiganders have to this state astounds me. And it's a good thing, cause otherwise I guarantee that no one would live here. Cause it sucks. There's nothing here, nothing worth while. And even the things that it does have, other states do it better anyways! So why stay here at all? I see no reason. None at all.
I've been talking to a girl a lot. Not many people know about this. And since not many people read this, I know that after I post this, not a lot of people will still know. We're very much in the beginning stages of being friends, but we both know where we'd like to see this go. She's wonderful! She's been exactly the support I've needed in these last few weeks, and I thank God for her every day. But we both have a ton of growing up to do before we pursue a dating relationship. But that's ok. I want to be the best man I can be before we consider being serious in any way. I pray that God will be glorified in this.
I think the biggest thing that's hit me this week has been my best friend here in Michigan leaving. He's been going through some stuff this year, and the drama we've had over a particular story he wrote for thesis made him feel that it was time to leave. I am a very emotional person. I get attached fast. Adam has been a rock for me this year, a guy I can go to with anything, whatever it may be. God, girls, or just complaints about life. And now that's gone. I won't pretend to be happy about it. I'm not. But I know he needs to get out of Michigan more than I do. He is going to be used by God in so many ways! He's an amazing musician and I know for a fact that God will use that to effect a lot of lives, and will influence many people to want to praise God!
God is in control. I know He is for a fact. There's no way He couldn't be, just from watching my own life, let alone everything else! Life is hard. It just is. And I'm learning how to deal with it, situation by situation. I know I'll be stronger for this time in my life, and will soon feel like nothing. I just pray for the strength to get through it.
God is good! And who are we not to trust Him?
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