Last night, I saw The Spectacular Now, and I must say, I loved it. It brought back all of the nostalgia of high school and why I actually enjoyed myself for the most part during those 4 years. It also brought back the nostalgia of that first long intensive high school romance that so many of us experience. This movie brought back all the good memories of growing up. Lately, I've been focusing on the bad memories, as if they were the only ones to shape who I am. I don't know why, it was a phase. But after seeing this movie, along with other factors recently, I'm starting to remember the positive things too.
We are all molded by the events of our lives. I am a Christian, so I also believe in prayer, The power of the Bible, and God's control of our lives if we give it up to Him. Since my sophomore year of high school, I have been actively pursuing a solid relationship with Jesus. I know that may sound weird to non-Christians, but I can tell you, it's as real as any other friendship or relationship. In fact it's the deepest I've ever known. I ask God every day to make me into the man he wants me to be, to guide me through this life, to allow me to make the decisions necessary to be the man He wants me to be. I desire to have an effect on this world for the positive, so I ask Him constantly to build that within me. And he has. And is. And is continuing to. But what does that mean? I don't know exactly. but I feel that I am nearing the end of my time growing into manhood. I still feel like a kid in so many ways, but I am growing so close to the point where I will stop growing up into manhood and start expanding on who I am as a man. The foundation has been built, now its time to use that foundation to start framing the walls.
Since I believe my life is being guided by a higher power, I can look back on my life to gain some perspective on where I am going in life. I was raised in a solid family, and I am very committed to my family. Plus, when I fall for girls, I fall pretty hard. I don't just fall for anyone. In fact, I have crushes very sparingly. So I know that whatever serious relationships, and eventually family, that I have, I'll be all in and fully committed. I also know that I get very passionate about what I do career-wise. I want to change the world for good, and I've never been afraid to dream bigger than what seems to be attainable. I had a dream to go to film school, then move to Hollywood, and start gaining connections in the film business. Seems crazy right? Well, here I am. So i've decided to dream big again. I want to create my own production company, one that would have multiple areas of operations, namely LA and Portland. There's so much untapped potential in Portland and in Oregon as a whole, and I want to tap into that! In the short run, I want to start creating cheap quality short films, so I'm going to take up writing. I never thought I'd ever return to writing, but it's a skill I want to refine and use to my advantage. I want to be as valuable to this industry as possible. Thirdly, I also seem to have learned to be an influence on friends, to be able to help them out in any way I can. I love helping people, and I hope to somehow keep applying that to helping people in need, and to helping my friends be all that they can be as well. I don't want to be in this industry for strictly myself, I believe we all have to stick together and help each other through. So many people have enemies in this town, and it's only a matter of time before I do too, but I don't want enemies. I want allies and friends.
I have been incredibly blessed. I have had rough times to teach me to love the good times, and I certainly have good times as well. We all have to learn to look back in order to build upon who we are becoming as people. It's time for me to take control of my future and who I'm growing to be and actively grow. I'm tired of waiting for life to come to me. I'm going to go and grab it by the horns for myself.
And I ask God to guide me to the right bulls.
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