We drove up I-5 towards Washington, but first we had one stop to make: My grandma's memorial service. I'm sitting here, trying to dictate how i felt that night... It had been two long weeks since I had seen my family, so to see them alone was emotional. But lets be honest, the context of why I was seeing them didn't help.
Now, I know where my grandma is. She's in heaven with the Lord. She is running, leaping, dancing, and worshiping the God who loved her so much that He came down as a man to save her from her sin. And she recognized that. By the time that I realized that I really wanted to know her testimony, it was too late. I remember sitting in the hospital room with my grandma, right before we found out about the cancer. I asked her if she remembered when she had accepted Christ, but the Alzheimer's had progressed to the point that she did not remember. In fact, after that question, I asked her if she remembered how she and my Grandpa had met. She said she didn't. I regret not asking her about those specific memories while she could still remember them, before the disease had erased them. But this much was clear: she knew who her Lord and Savior was, even right up to the end.
I remember the last time I saw her. It was two days before I was to leave for Cannon Beach. I had gone over to my Grandparent's house. The house was filling up fast by this point. Both my Grandma's sister Vivian and my Uncle Don were there, as well as my family. I really don't remember anything from that day, except leaving. I had a meeting at my old high school, so I had to get back to Forest Grove by a certain time, and that time came. So I sat down by my Grandma. She was barely there, it being an off day. I told her that I had to leave and that I was going to see her later. I didn't specify because I wasn't sure if it was to be after the summer or after I myself die. I kissed her and got up, moving towards the door, with my Mom and Grandpa crying as they watched. The last thing I ever said to my Grandma was "I love you, Grandma."
We arrived in Beaverton a half hour before the service and met my parents at my Grandpa's house. We drove to the church, and began greeting people. It all didn't really hit me until i walked through the doors into the sanctuary. Suddenly, like a flood, it all washed over me. She's gone. Actually, it's interesting because I didn't actually cry sad for her. I cried sad because my Grandpa and Mom and Dad were. It's hard to see the three pillars of my life crying. But when I got up in front of everyone to talk about my Grandma, I bawled. A lot. I've never cried in front of a crowd, not ever. But I did. Half because my Grandpa and Mom and Dad were crying there in front of me, but also half because I had such joy about where she is! She's with Jesus! Frankly, I AM SO JEALOUS. I'd much rather be with the Lord than here on this earth, this crazy messed up earth... But I'm here because God has more in store for me. That's why He allowed me to go to the memorial service. When I stood up in front of everyone, I gave the Gospel message. That was so special for me because I got to publicly proclaim the love of God for all of us, something I've been intimidated to do my whole life. But not anymore. Why should I be intimidated by the thought of telling as many people as possible about Jesus? Why should I be afraid? There is no reason whatsoever. None.
And let me just say, it meant so much to have Katie, Lisa, Rhianna, and Matt there to support me. I love you guys!
And so that was done. After saying our goodbyes, we continued our journey north to Puyallup WA to Kaylyn Brown's house, where we stayed for two days. I slept all the way there because I was so emotionally DONE. We chilled at her house and did shopping around town.
Here's where we get personal again. While at Ecola, I dated Nikki Parsons. She lives in Puyallup and I had, in fact, gone to her house one weekend, so I knew where everything was. Now, at this point in the summer, she was still not talking to me and because I hadn't had that closure yet, I wasn't fully over her. That was the weekend I felt the nagging feeling that I was going run into her. I would walk through the stores constantly expecting her to pop out from nowhere. But that didn't happen.
Not until church the next day. We ended up going to Bethany Baptist, which I knew well because I had attended it will the Parsons. But I wasn't even sure if they still went there. We went to the first service and it was good. As we got up to leave the service, there she was. Scared me half to death, but I waved to them anyways. As we got into Martha, my hands were shaking. The girls noticed and asked if I was going to be ok. I said yes.
OK. Now we can get to the camp. The next camp was called Lake Retreat. It was a great camp, spread out along the edge of a lake. I had a cabin of 5 middle school boys: Chance, Adam, Jordan, Ricky, and Rodney. I also had a CIT: Nathan. Only two of the 5 boys were Christians going into the week.
I knew that this week would be a tough one. We were 3 weeks into the summer, and we were starting to get tired. But we kept going on. We really liked the staff, even though they were all relatively young. The worship and chapel times were amazing! The activities were a lot of fun too! The camp was pretty big, so all of the teams that we were divided into were good sized.
That week was a blur. I remember it being really long, but really great. But the thing that stands out apart from everything else was the night my boys accepted Christ. Now, Ricky says that He had accepted Christ early in the week and had told me, but I honestly don't remember that at all, which I still feel horrible about. But the night that I'll never forget was the night that Jordan and Chance accepted Christ in front of there good friend Adam, who had brought them to camp in the first place. That night, internally, I was fighting how far to push the boys. From previous experiences, pushing the subject of Christ has backfired and blown up in my face. But I remember that night that God kept telling me to push more, little by little. So I listened. It turned out the boys were afraid of what their parents would think, which is legit. But I had to keep telling them that God loves them EVEN MORE than their own parents, and what they did that night could end up influencing them for the kingdom! Finally, they said that they wanted to accept Christ in front of Adam, who had left the cabin. So I ran all over the camp looking for him. Once I found him, I brought him back, and they prayed the prayer in front of him, me, and God. It was amazing!!!
That was a tough week. That was the week God grabbed me and looked me square in the eye and said, "JOHN. TRUST ME. GOT IT??" And finally, I did. That week, I finally discovered what it meant to lean completely and utterly on God. God's will will be done, regardless of whatever we think that is beyond control. No. God is in complete control. COMPLETE CONTROL.
Other notes, Matt blobbed me like 30 feet into the air. That was fun! Also, this was the week that we took some advise that Darrin had given us the week before: meet together everyday during free time and talk about whatever was going on. And it ended up helping a ton! Also, contrary to popular belief, oatmeal wars suck. But that's just my opinion. Oh and never play games that involve telling middle schoolers to go pop the other teams balloons in any way possible. EVER. It just ends up being a war with injuries and hurt feelings.
Soon, once again, it was the end of the week and was time for us to move on to the next camp. (Man, I feel like no matter how much I talk about each camp, it'll never describe them enough...) Anyways, we packed up Martha, said our goodbyes to all of the people we had come to love once again, and drove off towards Spokane WA.
Sorry for being so long winded... I can't sleep tonight, plus this week as a whole was just crazy! But amazing :)
Well, this is John Friend signing off again, for now :)
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