I'm not going to lie, life has been pretty rough for me in my head for the last 3 months. Change is not something I'm accustomed to, especially in the context of last year. But I think that that has been the problem: I haven't been able to just let go of Ecola. And it's time I did.
Last year was full of experiences that I will always remember and people I will always want to be close to to, at least as much as I can long distance-wise. Ecola marked the first time away from home, the first time I truly learned who I was in Jesus, the first time I was able to really admit my own human depravity, the first time God really smacked me with His truth. I got close to so many people, many of which are out doing there own thing in the world or are back at Ecola, so I don't hear much out of anyone, only once in a while now. It's understandable, as I'm doing the same thing here. I'm sitting here trying to express what last year was, but I can't. God took me, tore me down, and began the remolding process, a process that will last my entire life. Then I was able to take some of what I learned and take it out into the world, to kids at camps and just love on them with everything God allowed me to be. And it was AMAZING.
But that is all over. Ecola is over. SMT is over. And I've made a huge mistake: I made Ecola/SMT just as high as God. NO! God only USED that experience to redirect my compass and allegiance towards Him. I have been living for the past I miss and the future I can't see, but I haven't been HERE! I made up my mind that if I can't be in Cannon Beach, God wouldn't work as much, He wouldn't have as much of a presence. This is so wrong... God is just as living and active as He ever has, and it was me that wasn't recognizing that. It wasn't God that wasn't "here", it was me looking to other things in order to fill the "gap" that didn't actually exist!
I serve a big God. I serve a mighty God. I serve a God that works. I serve a God that loves us so much that He sent His Son, Jesus, to live a life of example for us and to die for our sin so that we may be with Him and have access to Him forever and ever! That still and will forever blow my mind, because I of all people DO NOT deserve that kind of love! What I need to remember, and I'm sure that I'll forget often as I am very human, is that God is here with me, using me, working to build me, where ever I am, whether it be at a camp somewhere, or among my peers at school, or in the film industry.
No matter where I am, The Lord is still there and working! :)
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