Have you ever truly felt so aware of who you are on a spiritual level that you feel confined in your body, like you need to burst forth from it in order to become what God fully intended us to be? (Gen. 1:27) Or have you been so aware of your humanity that you suddenly became aware how utterly small you are compared to God? (Job 38) Tonight, I felt both of those, only at the same time.
For some reason during my life, I haven't been able to fully recognize that I am very small. It's so hard to do so when all you see in your life is your point of view. It's natural to assume that you are all that matters. But tonight, I finally cracked a little bit of that assumption, and only by the grace of God. God is too big for us imagine! And we can only begin to tap away the me-centric view that we are all naturally born with. But once we begin the journey with Christ as Our Lord, as Aslan says in 'Prince Caspian': "As you grow bigger, so will I." As we grow, our view and recognition of God's bigness grows as well.
Beyond that, I also felt so entrapped in my feeble body, like I wanted to explode out of it, literally and figuratively.
Literally, I was aching to jump out of my body and just get into God's arms! I thank Him that He took the time to write a longing for eternity on our hearts. (Ecc. 3:11) Which got to me to thinking, if we long for a place, Heaven, that we've never been, how much more incredible is it that God humbled Himself into a man and walked this earth for 33 years knowing full well the place He had left in order to live, suffer, and die for the sins of all of us feeble pathetic creatures known as humans. How incredible is that? How often, as He was just as human as God at the time, did he go out on evening walks along the Sea of Galilee and just long to be in Heaven with His Father once again? How much did His feeble body ache to be in that place again? I can't imagine how amazingly hard that must have been! (Phil. 2:5-11)
But figuratively, I'm feeling the same way. I feel as though I am trapped in this time of my life. I want to be out in the world making movies! School is great, and I know I have to go through this time of my life in order to move on, but I am just so intensely longing to GET OUT THERE!!! Now, I know I use Smallville and Superman's journey way too often, but he is so incredibly relatable to me. I feel like an alien (John 15:19), am supposed to be more than just some guy (Jer. 29:11), and desire to show off the glory of my Father who created me, to wear His symbol on my chest to show the world who the God is that I serve (Ps. 34:1). I want to fly to great heights and show the world who God is! But I am still in my dark training phase, where I am learning who I am and who I need to be and what I need to know and what skills I need to develop in order to be effective as a man and filmmaker, if that is what God so desires me to do, which I'm confident He does. But that is why I keep a Superman cape that I got from Benton Trerise on the corner wall of my room: to remind me that it's not yet time, that I have so much to learn as of yet.
God is doing some amazing things in my life! He has started off my life outside of my childhood at Ecola Bible School so that I would learn the basics of what it means to follow Christ, He started off my year at film school slow and light, and is about to test me and build me this next term as I take up my first official position as Producer. From there, I don't know where God will take me, but what I do know for a fact is that God is in complete control of my life, has been from the very beginning, and always will be. God is training me up for something. I don't know if it's big or small, but it will be what He planned for me from the very beginning, from the very foundations of the Earth.
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