One of the first things I noticed after I moved to GR was that the perspectives attained in life on the East side of the country are radically different from the West. I can't explain why, or even what most of those perspectives stem from, but the fact is it's there. I'm sure that most people here, though maybe not out loud, would say that I'm a strange boy from a far away land. And it's true! I've come from a completely different background than these Mid-Westerners. (By the way, why is it called the Mid West when it's on the East side of the country?) So when I started looking into the perspectives on God and life, I got confused for a while. Why are their views so different? And, more importantly, could my views be wrong?
As I dove more and more into life here, I wanted less and less to be here. Yes, I'm going to film school, but I just wanted Jesus. Nothing compared. After spending so much one on one time with Him last year, the work here seemed so trivial. I fell more and more into that line of thinking. Then I went home. I thought it would get better. And it did! But then I realized that home wasn't really home anymore. Though I would do anything to be with my family, it wasn't the place I lived a year and a half ago. So I went to Cannon Beach and, as you know from previous posts, it was just a place of ghosts now. So I sunk deeper and deeper into my "Ug. Lord, can You just come?" line of thinking.
But then it hit me.
Literally.
I was driving back from Cannon Beach on the Thursday before I was to fly back to MI. I had stayed to long and was driving back late. My check engine light had come on, so I stopped at the gas station right before you start gaining elevation and called my parents about it. They said to keep an eye on it, so I continued up the pass. At 9:45, after the big bridge across the gorge, I hit a sheet of ice. I was not aware of the cold, let alone the ice, so I was driving at about 50-55 mph and not in 4 wheel drive. I hit the ice, swerved left, I tried to regain, over corrected and swerved right. After that, I do not remember. I was conscious the whole time, but my instinct was to grab the wheel, keep my head down, and hold on.
From the wreckage, it appears that my truck made a 180 and hit the guard rain and road sign on the drivers side, going backwards. It was a long 10 seconds. The longest of my life. The first thing I thought coming out was "Oh no! My parents don't have the money for this!" I felt around, slowly realizing that, yes, this had really just happened. I felt in the cup holder for my phone. It wasn't there. I climbed out of the passenger side, as the drivers side was too smashed up to get out of. I looked around on the ground for my phone. Ya right. So I went back to the truck to check on stuff. My camera was fine. My sunglasses were fine. My tri-pod was fine. And my phone has somehow ended up underneath me in the drivers seat. I called my parents, a wreck. Through various events, ODOT showed up and called my a tow truck, my Dad made it up to my crash site, and EMTs and State Police came up. The EMTs took a look at the wreckage and weren't sure how I came out of it without a scratch. I know how: The grace of God.
God used that night to change everything. First off, I don't want to die. I came face to face with my own mortality for the first time, and it scared me out of death. Second, I realized the reality of the fragility of life. Anyone around me could die, just like that. God keeps us all alive for a reason. For some, its because He wants to use them. For many, its because He's giving them chances everyday to discover His amazing, amazing love for them. I tell people, especially my family, "I love you." as often as possible. I realize that I am here for a reason.
The thing that has changed in me the most is something I only discovered this week: Most Christian perspectives on God are correct. Yes, we all have slightly different perceptions of Him. But I believe God gives us each little glimpses of who He is because our minds are too small to comprehend Him. I have been talking quite a bit with a guy from school who is Eastern Orthodox, which shook my perspectives up quite a bit. I started asking myself if I was wrong about who God is, but what I've realized is no. He sees one side of God, and I see another. It's not right, not wrong, just different. The experience I had with God last year was 100% real. And I know that because others are continuing in that reality.
So I have to remember that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Yes, life goes on, showing me new and different things, growing in who I am. And so I go on, learning and growing, and I wait on God's timing. He is in control. As long as I am praying to be in His Will, He will help me step by step towards that Will. And it will be in His own unique plan for me.
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