Past and Future.

Well, apparently I'm not going to bed as soon as I thought, as it's currently 2:30am. I got caught up in looking through old pictures, videos, notes, and statuses on Facebook tonight. It's incredible how much I have changed in just the last 2 to 3 years. 3 years ago, I had just graduated from high school, was working a summer job picking berries, and dating the only serious girlfriend I have ever had (before that or since then). 1 year ago, I was in the middle of producing Timeless, my thesis short film at Compass. 2 years ago, I was in the middle of Summer Ministry Team and was on my last day being a counselor at Lake Retreat in Washington, about to move on to Newport, Washington where I would meet my dear friends, the Fountain Family.

I'll be honest, I miss the past. It was so much simpler in so many ways. Now I have to worry about bills and surviving month to month, wondering if I will ever really make it in this crazy town of Hollywood. The past is safer, because I know how it ends. The future is scary. I don't know what's out there. I could end up jobless, dreamless, broke, and alone for all I know. Or I could be extremely successful, have everything I've ever dreamed, and effect people's lives. Or I could have a status quo job, with a wife, 2 kids, and a mortgage. Who knows! It could go so many different ways.

As previously posted, I've been slowly coming out of a fog. I've just been going, going, going without much outside thoughts on my life. But certain events have changed that recently, causing me to really look and think about where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going, and where I want to go for that matter. And again, it could go so many different ways. I hope and pray for my future all the time right now. I'm stuck in this in between stage of life, right after school, and right before success. It's irritating really, having to wait it out, to see what God has in store. But that's my life. This stage has come quicker to me than most of my peers. Most of my peers have either settled into their dead end job or are still in college, trying to figure out what the hell to do next. But for me, figuring out what is going on has been slammed on the table right in front of me. All I have to do is keep chugging along. If God wants me to get a big break, that's His prerogative. It's not on my shoulders to find my shot at the big leagues. That's not my responsibility. My responsibility is to be ready if it does come, and when it does, knock it out of the park with the skills that I have been building up for the last 22 years of my life.

So I will keep praying, keep working, and keep going, because God has big things in store for me. I just have to remember to trust that He knows how big of a thing I can handle. And if it is a small big thing, I can't be disappointed, but instead be the best steward of that gift I can possibly be.