Clarity.

As a Christian, one of the biggest things I tend to struggle with the most is clarity. Up to this point, I've seemed to wander around, bumping into things (which weirdly turn out exactly the way they should), and writing the story day by day that is my life. As a Christian, I believe with all my heart that God is has already written my story out and holds my hand as I make my way through this thing called life. God asks us to pray about everything in life. Even though He knows all, He still wants us to interact with Him on our own accord. That's how this wonderful relationship works: He loves and guides us, and we love and trust Him. It's wonderful really, to know that the God who created and sustains the Universe wants a personal and intimate relationship with us small, tiny, sinful human beings.

However, since we are small, tiny, sinful human beings, we forget that He is in control. He has exactly what needs to be happening going on. I know I forget that everyday.

My whole life, I've always known what's next. In elementary school, you knew middle school was coming. In middle school, you knew high school was coming. In high school, you knew college was coming, or for me, Ecola. After Ecola, I knew film school was coming. After film school, I knew I was moving to LA for an internship. After the internship, I quickly found a job. After that, I found a better job, which is where I'm at now. But in these last couple months, my whole world has been shaken up. I don't know what the next step is anymore. I always knew in my heart of hearts that I'd probably end up leaving LA at some point, I just didn't know why or in what capacity. And, I guess even now, I still don't. but I do have a better idea.

But I still hate not knowing what's coming next. I hate not having some control of my future. Or at least feeling like I had some sort of control.

Trusting God is a weird process. I wish with everything that I am that I woke up everyday, had enough faith to give it all to Him and have no worries about anything. I really wish that. But I don't. In fact, I worry way more than I'd like to admit. Most of the time I try to just get up, go do my thing, which is usually work, and come home and hang out with my girlfriend. That seems to be my life for the most part. But that's not bad. That's a normal day for a lot of the human race. But I'm not normal. I don't want an ordinary life. I want an extraordinary life. Which, for a worrier, that doesn't mix so well a lot of the time. extraordinary usually equals not knowing what's next. We pray and pray for guidance, for clarity. But most of the time for me, God just says "Let now be now" or "Just keep going and keep trusting me". So irritating sometimes. I plead with God to let me in on the big secret of what the rest of my life is going to look like, but of course He wants us to trust Him for those details.

But every so often, God allows a sneak peek, a moment where everything you worry about becomes clear, even if you don't know what exactly is becoming clear. That moment when everything is ok, and everything will work out, and you know it, you feel it. God gives you what you need when you need it in those moments. Tonight I had that experience. Everything was put into order. Everything that needs to matter to me was in focus, and everything I need to trust God on was clear. I know what I need to be doing right now. I can see the things that God wants me to focus on. And they are good.

Why should we worry? God's got this. In fact, God had this before there even was a "this". And that is a very comforting thought. :)