I was raised in a Christian home with Christian ideals and a Christian viewpoint on what is right and wrong, which, I have to say, I am incredibly thankful for. My parents did an incredible job of raising me and I am eternally grateful to them for helping me turn into the man I should be and the man I will become. I went to Ecola Bible School last year, which was wonderful, and only reenforced those ideals that I had been raised in and even built more upon them, which was perfect timing in my life because during the previous year, I had started the typical "playing with the line of morality" that most teenagers go through. After last year, seeing that my whole world lined up with what right and wrong are, I had no problem holding onto those ideals.Then I spent a summer on the road, being a mentor and friend to various younglings at 8 different camps, only reenforcing everything I had learned that year.
But then I came to film school. I went from an environment where everyone I knew believed the exact same thing I did. (Now, that probably sounds like a cultish environment or whatever, but I assure you, it's not. When people come together to learn more about why they believe the way they believe, especially when that way is the truth in life, it's mind boggling how much God works.) First of all, Christianity feels different here in the mid-west than it does back west. I can't put my finger on what exactly it is (trust me, I've been trying to figure it out for 6 months now), but it just is different. Of course, it also may be that I have no ties to this place previously, and that I've going to a school where pretty much everyone around me believes something different. Anyways, as I dove into the world of film, I discovered that life isn't as black and white as I had previously thought.
First off, the very idea of art is a lie. Art is taking something, anything, and using it to invoke a particular emotion, thus manipulating the audience. And I would say that film is an extreme of that. In my opinion, film is at least one of the most powerful of the arts, if only because it is the furthest reaching and causes the most impact on people's lives. So if art is a lie, does that make it right? Well I would say that it's a different type of lie. After all, God is perfect AND an artist. I believe it's what you do with that art that determines whether the lie that you are telling through your art is wrong or not.
Which opens up a whole other discussion: What should we be ok with watching? We accept seeing so much violence in movies, yet threaten death at the thought of seeing sexual content or homosexual content in movies. God says that whether it's a small lie, committing adultery, or killing someone, it's all bad. It's all sin and all separates us from God. For example, one of my favorite movies is "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World". Many Christian people condemn the movie because of the homosexual content it contains, yet, we are ok watching something like "James Bond" or "Firefly" because it's "not as bad". I disagree. Frankly, "James Bond" and "Firefly" are WAY worse, content wise.
Going beyond that, here's another question: As an artist, what is ok and not ok to do in art, specifically film? Where is the line between artistic choice and immorality? For example, if I put swearing into my film, will it lessen of intensify the impact? A film example of this is the contrast between "Ides of March" and "The Grey". "Ides of March" had quite a bit of swearing in it, which really put me off because it didn't seem to fit the movie. I felt like they were putting it in there just to put it in. Meanwhile, in "The Grey", there was twice as much swearing in it as "Ides", but it fit the movie, and thus made the movie feel more accurate, powerful, and meaningful.
These are all things I'm grappling with this year. If art is a lie, where is the line? Should I be even be paying attention to the line? Or should I be trying to stay away from the line completely? If I do that, will my art's impact on the world suffer because of it? What should be my goal? And how am I supposed to ultimately use it for God's glory?
My entire goal in life is to praise and reflect God in my craft, without shoving what I believe in people's faces. I believe that God has put a passion in me for using film to reach people where they are. And I desire that so incredibly much.
But life isn't black and white. As much as I want it to be, it won't be until Christ comes back. So until then, I will keep seeking the answers I desire, and pray that God will show me them, so that I may apply them to the craft I am shaping, so that I may be used to create the most impact in people's lives.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Dreams for the Future
Dreams for our lives. We all have them, or at least have had them at some point.
We grow up all looking to people beyond and above ourselves, and we aspired to be like them. As boys, it's firemen, policemen, superheroes, etc. (I don't know what exactly girls consistently aspire to be, but girls reading this will understand what I mean.) As we grow older, our dreams start to change, turning into things that line up more with who we are growing to be. Then, so many, there's a dead zone at about the middle of high school where we have no idea what we want to do. Some come out of that quickly, some don't figure out what they want for years after that. I was blessed enough to figure it out during my senior year.
Film. Movies. TV. Most people can't even imagine all of the work that goes into media, and thus they take it for granted. And that's ok! Media has two extremes to being there. On one end, it's there to be art. And on the other end, it's there to just entertain. Some what to think too much about it, and some what to not think about it at all.
I desire to tap into both sides of that spectrum during my life. I want to go out and make films that people can enjoy, that will wow people, that will take people to a place they have never been before. I also want to make films that make people think about their lives, what sort of consequences their actions have, and about who we are deep inside. Most of the movies we see today are shallow and story-less, only really there to make money. I hate that. I want to bring back good story telling, to bring back life to Hollywood. People don't even realize that when they attend 'Transformers' and 'Twilight', they are feeding the machine of soulless crap that has taken over Hollywood. I want to show the executives that we need good story and good characterization back, that we need to have a reason to make films besides the shallow reason of making money.
I desire, above all, to bring glory to God. So many think that Christianity is irrelevant to life and culture, that it's all just a crutch. I assure you it's not. It's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle that, if approached in the right mindset, is more grounded in reality than most non-Christian thinking. And that's all we need to show the world: That God knows what's up and wants to help us through this life. He wants to guide us to Himself, but we have to let Him.
As Christians, we come across to the world as "in people's faces".
That's not what we're meant to be. We are meant to reflect God's love and show people the good news that He has for them.
So that's my dream. I write this today for not only you, but for myself in the future. I can't wait to see how God changes me to more like the man he wants me to be, and to be more like Him. I can't wait look back years from now, see what God has done in my life and the lives of others around me, and return the praise to Him! :)
We grow up all looking to people beyond and above ourselves, and we aspired to be like them. As boys, it's firemen, policemen, superheroes, etc. (I don't know what exactly girls consistently aspire to be, but girls reading this will understand what I mean.) As we grow older, our dreams start to change, turning into things that line up more with who we are growing to be. Then, so many, there's a dead zone at about the middle of high school where we have no idea what we want to do. Some come out of that quickly, some don't figure out what they want for years after that. I was blessed enough to figure it out during my senior year.
Film. Movies. TV. Most people can't even imagine all of the work that goes into media, and thus they take it for granted. And that's ok! Media has two extremes to being there. On one end, it's there to be art. And on the other end, it's there to just entertain. Some what to think too much about it, and some what to not think about it at all.
I desire to tap into both sides of that spectrum during my life. I want to go out and make films that people can enjoy, that will wow people, that will take people to a place they have never been before. I also want to make films that make people think about their lives, what sort of consequences their actions have, and about who we are deep inside. Most of the movies we see today are shallow and story-less, only really there to make money. I hate that. I want to bring back good story telling, to bring back life to Hollywood. People don't even realize that when they attend 'Transformers' and 'Twilight', they are feeding the machine of soulless crap that has taken over Hollywood. I want to show the executives that we need good story and good characterization back, that we need to have a reason to make films besides the shallow reason of making money.
I desire, above all, to bring glory to God. So many think that Christianity is irrelevant to life and culture, that it's all just a crutch. I assure you it's not. It's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle that, if approached in the right mindset, is more grounded in reality than most non-Christian thinking. And that's all we need to show the world: That God knows what's up and wants to help us through this life. He wants to guide us to Himself, but we have to let Him.
As Christians, we come across to the world as "in people's faces".
That's not what we're meant to be. We are meant to reflect God's love and show people the good news that He has for them.
So that's my dream. I write this today for not only you, but for myself in the future. I can't wait to see how God changes me to more like the man he wants me to be, and to be more like Him. I can't wait look back years from now, see what God has done in my life and the lives of others around me, and return the praise to Him! :)
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
VIDEO LINK: Art Vocation Worship Video
This is a worship video Bree Brincat and I made for Art Vocation class. It's not nearly as good as we wanted it, but it's pretty :)
Art Voc video on YouTube
I hope you enjoy it!
Art Voc video on YouTube
I hope you enjoy it!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
SMT, Part 9= Camp Elohim- The Grand Finale
It's been a little over 4 months since I began blogging about each camp I went to during my 8 week adventure on SMT. It's taken longer to cover each leg of the journey than I meant to, but then again, I'm sad that this is the last post in the series about our summer. Of course, I will mention my experiences in future posts, as it was 2 months of my life that profoundly changed me forever.
We left Oregon from Camp Morrow and made our way up to Rhianna's house once again to stay there over night before we headed up towards northwestern Montana. To be honest, I don't remember a lot from that weekend. We continued from there up to Troy, MT, which was the location of our final camp, Camp Elohim. It was a cute little camp, very rustic. I liked the staff well enough (though there was some tension at points for Matt and I, but it really doesn't matter now, so I won't get into it). The first night, I had one camper in my cabin even though the camp didn't start till the next day. From my conversation with him, I knew that the people in that state were in a different mind set than I, one of those city folk. But that was ok, because Matt and I got to sit with him and just talk about life, which would prove to have been needed later in the week.
The next day, campers arrived! It was a high school camp (a great way to end it all!). I had four campers: Ryan, Josh, Tyler, and Devin, four great guys! :) I remember having some great and deep discussions with them at night. All of them were already Christians, so once again, it was my job to help build them up in whatever way I could (which I pray that I did) That week felt so... in tune with God. I was so lead in what I talked about during cabin times and what and when to do and say things. It was such a great week for me spiritually. Now of course, since it was our last week, we were dead tired. And the camp started earlier each day than any of the previous, so it was painful getting up in the mornings, but once I did, the days were worth it. The activities were so great! Archery, shooting .22s, a long hike to a waterfall, and rafting... ahh it was great! And I loved the speaker, John Wallace. I got so much out of his teaching of Acts, a class I wish we had gotten more into at Ecola, but he really changed my perspectives and knowledge on that book! And I found out that his father founded Sonrise Church in Hillsboro, OR, a branch of which my family back home in Oregon now attends! Plus, I really loved their kids! Peter and Andrew were so awesome to hang out with when I had a little free time during the day :)
(Also, I still insist I saw a bear at campfire the last night. That was no deer or elk I saw!!!)
The last day of camp was so surreal. It didn't feel like it was supposed to be over yet, and yet I was ready, ya know? Soon the campers were gone and we were packing up the van for the last time. Man that was a weird feeling... SO we said our goodbyes, got one last camp picture as a group, and we headed out.
We took three days to get back to Cannon Beach. First we drove to Moscow, ID and stayed at a girl from Ecola's house, who's name I can not think of for the life of me... Anyways, it was a very pretty neighborhood and house. That night, a bunch of us went on a walk around town, and I had a fantastic and deep conversation with Katie, a conversation that, in my opinion, solidified our brother/sister-ship forever and ever. :) The next day, we drove from Moscow to Newberg, OR, where we stayed the night at Matt and Katie's aunt and uncle's house. And finally. The final leg back to Cannon Beach. We drove into Cannon Beach blaring "Take Me Home Country Roads, which made me cry (and still brings tears to my eyes today as I think about it). We drove to the beach and ran into the ocean. (the whole thing is on my Facebook page under videos) After that last hurrah as a group, we drove to Ecola and met up with the other group and the staff. We sat down and discussed the summer.
And then it was over.
Just like that.
After disbanded, I couldn't believe it. But it was truly over. We all went to Casa del Sol for Mexican food, to hang out as a group. I spent that night in my friend, Zach Ricks' room, but not before I walked on the beach that night, trying to get a grasp on what was next. The next morning, my family came for me, whom I had not seen since the memorial service for my grandma a month and a half before. I felt sick. I felt like crying the whole time. I only saw Rhianna that day because everyone else was out at the time I was leaving CB, but they knew I'd see them again in a few days.
The last time I saw Matt, Katie, Rhianna, and Lisa was at the Ecola Campout in Sisters, OR 4 days later. That was five and a half months ago. I miss those 4 so much. I miss them as much as I miss my own family. I love them so much. I pray and think about them all the time, and I can't wait to see them again.
I write this to all of you who read my blog and are interested in my life. But I also write this to my SMT family: the man and the three women who kept with me and put up with me for two months straight. It was one of the best summers of my life, and the rest of the summers I experience will have a hard time beating it.
I love you guys.
We left Oregon from Camp Morrow and made our way up to Rhianna's house once again to stay there over night before we headed up towards northwestern Montana. To be honest, I don't remember a lot from that weekend. We continued from there up to Troy, MT, which was the location of our final camp, Camp Elohim. It was a cute little camp, very rustic. I liked the staff well enough (though there was some tension at points for Matt and I, but it really doesn't matter now, so I won't get into it). The first night, I had one camper in my cabin even though the camp didn't start till the next day. From my conversation with him, I knew that the people in that state were in a different mind set than I, one of those city folk. But that was ok, because Matt and I got to sit with him and just talk about life, which would prove to have been needed later in the week.
The next day, campers arrived! It was a high school camp (a great way to end it all!). I had four campers: Ryan, Josh, Tyler, and Devin, four great guys! :) I remember having some great and deep discussions with them at night. All of them were already Christians, so once again, it was my job to help build them up in whatever way I could (which I pray that I did) That week felt so... in tune with God. I was so lead in what I talked about during cabin times and what and when to do and say things. It was such a great week for me spiritually. Now of course, since it was our last week, we were dead tired. And the camp started earlier each day than any of the previous, so it was painful getting up in the mornings, but once I did, the days were worth it. The activities were so great! Archery, shooting .22s, a long hike to a waterfall, and rafting... ahh it was great! And I loved the speaker, John Wallace. I got so much out of his teaching of Acts, a class I wish we had gotten more into at Ecola, but he really changed my perspectives and knowledge on that book! And I found out that his father founded Sonrise Church in Hillsboro, OR, a branch of which my family back home in Oregon now attends! Plus, I really loved their kids! Peter and Andrew were so awesome to hang out with when I had a little free time during the day :)
(Also, I still insist I saw a bear at campfire the last night. That was no deer or elk I saw!!!)
The last day of camp was so surreal. It didn't feel like it was supposed to be over yet, and yet I was ready, ya know? Soon the campers were gone and we were packing up the van for the last time. Man that was a weird feeling... SO we said our goodbyes, got one last camp picture as a group, and we headed out.
We took three days to get back to Cannon Beach. First we drove to Moscow, ID and stayed at a girl from Ecola's house, who's name I can not think of for the life of me... Anyways, it was a very pretty neighborhood and house. That night, a bunch of us went on a walk around town, and I had a fantastic and deep conversation with Katie, a conversation that, in my opinion, solidified our brother/sister-ship forever and ever. :) The next day, we drove from Moscow to Newberg, OR, where we stayed the night at Matt and Katie's aunt and uncle's house. And finally. The final leg back to Cannon Beach. We drove into Cannon Beach blaring "Take Me Home Country Roads, which made me cry (and still brings tears to my eyes today as I think about it). We drove to the beach and ran into the ocean. (the whole thing is on my Facebook page under videos) After that last hurrah as a group, we drove to Ecola and met up with the other group and the staff. We sat down and discussed the summer.
And then it was over.
Just like that.
After disbanded, I couldn't believe it. But it was truly over. We all went to Casa del Sol for Mexican food, to hang out as a group. I spent that night in my friend, Zach Ricks' room, but not before I walked on the beach that night, trying to get a grasp on what was next. The next morning, my family came for me, whom I had not seen since the memorial service for my grandma a month and a half before. I felt sick. I felt like crying the whole time. I only saw Rhianna that day because everyone else was out at the time I was leaving CB, but they knew I'd see them again in a few days.
The last time I saw Matt, Katie, Rhianna, and Lisa was at the Ecola Campout in Sisters, OR 4 days later. That was five and a half months ago. I miss those 4 so much. I miss them as much as I miss my own family. I love them so much. I pray and think about them all the time, and I can't wait to see them again.
I write this to all of you who read my blog and are interested in my life. But I also write this to my SMT family: the man and the three women who kept with me and put up with me for two months straight. It was one of the best summers of my life, and the rest of the summers I experience will have a hard time beating it.
I love you guys.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Death: Why Am I Here?
Death.
It's a mystery that has been pondered about ever since the beginning of mankind. Some believe that this there is this life and then nothing after you die. Others, such as myself, believe in heaven and hell as destinations for those who die. But no matter what you think, its a reality we all have to deal with. When you're young, you think that death can't touch you, that you're invincible. It's just the way it is, whether we mean to be like that or not. But we all have to confront it sooner or later.
I used to approach the concept of death very cavalierly. I didn't mean to, but I just couldn't wrap my head around the fragility of life. After a year of Bible school, I approached death in the way that 'when I go, I go. Whenever, the sooner the better', with almost no regard to this present physical life. But the events of the first of this month changed all that. I know I talked about totaling my truck in my last post, but I'm still learning things from it and sorting them out. I now realize that anyone and everyone around me could die at anytime, just like that. If God will's it to be their time, then that's His will. But that makes me all the more aware of the urgency of talking to them as often as possible and telling them that I love them as often as possible. For example, my Dad had a medical emergency this past week. Its more proof that things can spring on us out of nowhere with no warning whatsoever.
It has become my view that since God is in control, and ultimately His Will will be done, regardless of what we do, every person is on earth for a purpose. In my view, there are basically two types of people in the world: Those who have found God's amazing gift of His Son Jesus, and those God is still seeking. (I could say that, Biblically, there is a third party, those whom God has not predestined, but to conclude that would be to know the mind of God, which I surely do not.) I, as a follower of Christ, have been called to live out a life that reflects Christ to others. And because of that, and because I am still here on earth, means that I still have a purpose, that God's not done with me.
And it's true of you too: You are still here on earth because God wants you to be.
And I find that incredible. When I look at my life, where I've been, what I've done, what I'm doing, and knowing that I have many more imperfections in the future, I don't deserve this life. So many people say that "they have rights". No. We don't. When it comes down to it, we are being held by a tiny thread, a thread controlled by God. As the rapper Lecrae says "If we fought for our rights, we'd be in hell tonight." But we're not. God's not done with you!
I've been pondering these things a lot lately, wondering how they effect my life and such. But watching "The Grey" tonight (which I recommend heavily, but don't pay ANY attention to the marketing) reminded me of my fears. I used to not have fears, but God woke me up to my mortality, and I am incredibly thankful for that, even though I had to learn a hard way (even though it really wasn't that hard, since I wasn't physically hurt at all, just psychologically). That's what life is: going through various things that build us up and, hopefully and prayerfully, brings us closer to the God of this universe!
I pray, even though I use these blogs to talk things out with myself and to put them down in ink, that my posts drive people to to think, to ponder, and to take a look at God. I serve an amazing God. But you have to seek Him for yourself. Even though I try to describe God when I can, it's like trying to describe chocolate to someone who's never tasted it: You just have to taste it themselves to understand!
So I leave you with this:
Psalm 34:8- "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"
It's a mystery that has been pondered about ever since the beginning of mankind. Some believe that this there is this life and then nothing after you die. Others, such as myself, believe in heaven and hell as destinations for those who die. But no matter what you think, its a reality we all have to deal with. When you're young, you think that death can't touch you, that you're invincible. It's just the way it is, whether we mean to be like that or not. But we all have to confront it sooner or later.
I used to approach the concept of death very cavalierly. I didn't mean to, but I just couldn't wrap my head around the fragility of life. After a year of Bible school, I approached death in the way that 'when I go, I go. Whenever, the sooner the better', with almost no regard to this present physical life. But the events of the first of this month changed all that. I know I talked about totaling my truck in my last post, but I'm still learning things from it and sorting them out. I now realize that anyone and everyone around me could die at anytime, just like that. If God will's it to be their time, then that's His will. But that makes me all the more aware of the urgency of talking to them as often as possible and telling them that I love them as often as possible. For example, my Dad had a medical emergency this past week. Its more proof that things can spring on us out of nowhere with no warning whatsoever.
It has become my view that since God is in control, and ultimately His Will will be done, regardless of what we do, every person is on earth for a purpose. In my view, there are basically two types of people in the world: Those who have found God's amazing gift of His Son Jesus, and those God is still seeking. (I could say that, Biblically, there is a third party, those whom God has not predestined, but to conclude that would be to know the mind of God, which I surely do not.) I, as a follower of Christ, have been called to live out a life that reflects Christ to others. And because of that, and because I am still here on earth, means that I still have a purpose, that God's not done with me.
And it's true of you too: You are still here on earth because God wants you to be.
And I find that incredible. When I look at my life, where I've been, what I've done, what I'm doing, and knowing that I have many more imperfections in the future, I don't deserve this life. So many people say that "they have rights". No. We don't. When it comes down to it, we are being held by a tiny thread, a thread controlled by God. As the rapper Lecrae says "If we fought for our rights, we'd be in hell tonight." But we're not. God's not done with you!
I've been pondering these things a lot lately, wondering how they effect my life and such. But watching "The Grey" tonight (which I recommend heavily, but don't pay ANY attention to the marketing) reminded me of my fears. I used to not have fears, but God woke me up to my mortality, and I am incredibly thankful for that, even though I had to learn a hard way (even though it really wasn't that hard, since I wasn't physically hurt at all, just psychologically). That's what life is: going through various things that build us up and, hopefully and prayerfully, brings us closer to the God of this universe!
I pray, even though I use these blogs to talk things out with myself and to put them down in ink, that my posts drive people to to think, to ponder, and to take a look at God. I serve an amazing God. But you have to seek Him for yourself. Even though I try to describe God when I can, it's like trying to describe chocolate to someone who's never tasted it: You just have to taste it themselves to understand!
So I leave you with this:
Psalm 34:8- "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Perspectives: They're Just Different
Life is a funny thing. We all grow up and, through various events, develop individual views of the world. This is something I've been fighting with during this new school year: If everyone is created by the same God, how could everyone's view of life be so different?
One of the first things I noticed after I moved to GR was that the perspectives attained in life on the East side of the country are radically different from the West. I can't explain why, or even what most of those perspectives stem from, but the fact is it's there. I'm sure that most people here, though maybe not out loud, would say that I'm a strange boy from a far away land. And it's true! I've come from a completely different background than these Mid-Westerners. (By the way, why is it called the Mid West when it's on the East side of the country?) So when I started looking into the perspectives on God and life, I got confused for a while. Why are their views so different? And, more importantly, could my views be wrong?
As I dove more and more into life here, I wanted less and less to be here. Yes, I'm going to film school, but I just wanted Jesus. Nothing compared. After spending so much one on one time with Him last year, the work here seemed so trivial. I fell more and more into that line of thinking. Then I went home. I thought it would get better. And it did! But then I realized that home wasn't really home anymore. Though I would do anything to be with my family, it wasn't the place I lived a year and a half ago. So I went to Cannon Beach and, as you know from previous posts, it was just a place of ghosts now. So I sunk deeper and deeper into my "Ug. Lord, can You just come?" line of thinking.
But then it hit me.
Literally.
I was driving back from Cannon Beach on the Thursday before I was to fly back to MI. I had stayed to long and was driving back late. My check engine light had come on, so I stopped at the gas station right before you start gaining elevation and called my parents about it. They said to keep an eye on it, so I continued up the pass. At 9:45, after the big bridge across the gorge, I hit a sheet of ice. I was not aware of the cold, let alone the ice, so I was driving at about 50-55 mph and not in 4 wheel drive. I hit the ice, swerved left, I tried to regain, over corrected and swerved right. After that, I do not remember. I was conscious the whole time, but my instinct was to grab the wheel, keep my head down, and hold on.
From the wreckage, it appears that my truck made a 180 and hit the guard rain and road sign on the drivers side, going backwards. It was a long 10 seconds. The longest of my life. The first thing I thought coming out was "Oh no! My parents don't have the money for this!" I felt around, slowly realizing that, yes, this had really just happened. I felt in the cup holder for my phone. It wasn't there. I climbed out of the passenger side, as the drivers side was too smashed up to get out of. I looked around on the ground for my phone. Ya right. So I went back to the truck to check on stuff. My camera was fine. My sunglasses were fine. My tri-pod was fine. And my phone has somehow ended up underneath me in the drivers seat. I called my parents, a wreck. Through various events, ODOT showed up and called my a tow truck, my Dad made it up to my crash site, and EMTs and State Police came up. The EMTs took a look at the wreckage and weren't sure how I came out of it without a scratch. I know how: The grace of God.
God used that night to change everything. First off, I don't want to die. I came face to face with my own mortality for the first time, and it scared me out of death. Second, I realized the reality of the fragility of life. Anyone around me could die, just like that. God keeps us all alive for a reason. For some, its because He wants to use them. For many, its because He's giving them chances everyday to discover His amazing, amazing love for them. I tell people, especially my family, "I love you." as often as possible. I realize that I am here for a reason.
The thing that has changed in me the most is something I only discovered this week: Most Christian perspectives on God are correct. Yes, we all have slightly different perceptions of Him. But I believe God gives us each little glimpses of who He is because our minds are too small to comprehend Him. I have been talking quite a bit with a guy from school who is Eastern Orthodox, which shook my perspectives up quite a bit. I started asking myself if I was wrong about who God is, but what I've realized is no. He sees one side of God, and I see another. It's not right, not wrong, just different. The experience I had with God last year was 100% real. And I know that because others are continuing in that reality.
So I have to remember that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Yes, life goes on, showing me new and different things, growing in who I am. And so I go on, learning and growing, and I wait on God's timing. He is in control. As long as I am praying to be in His Will, He will help me step by step towards that Will. And it will be in His own unique plan for me.
One of the first things I noticed after I moved to GR was that the perspectives attained in life on the East side of the country are radically different from the West. I can't explain why, or even what most of those perspectives stem from, but the fact is it's there. I'm sure that most people here, though maybe not out loud, would say that I'm a strange boy from a far away land. And it's true! I've come from a completely different background than these Mid-Westerners. (By the way, why is it called the Mid West when it's on the East side of the country?) So when I started looking into the perspectives on God and life, I got confused for a while. Why are their views so different? And, more importantly, could my views be wrong?
As I dove more and more into life here, I wanted less and less to be here. Yes, I'm going to film school, but I just wanted Jesus. Nothing compared. After spending so much one on one time with Him last year, the work here seemed so trivial. I fell more and more into that line of thinking. Then I went home. I thought it would get better. And it did! But then I realized that home wasn't really home anymore. Though I would do anything to be with my family, it wasn't the place I lived a year and a half ago. So I went to Cannon Beach and, as you know from previous posts, it was just a place of ghosts now. So I sunk deeper and deeper into my "Ug. Lord, can You just come?" line of thinking.
But then it hit me.
Literally.
I was driving back from Cannon Beach on the Thursday before I was to fly back to MI. I had stayed to long and was driving back late. My check engine light had come on, so I stopped at the gas station right before you start gaining elevation and called my parents about it. They said to keep an eye on it, so I continued up the pass. At 9:45, after the big bridge across the gorge, I hit a sheet of ice. I was not aware of the cold, let alone the ice, so I was driving at about 50-55 mph and not in 4 wheel drive. I hit the ice, swerved left, I tried to regain, over corrected and swerved right. After that, I do not remember. I was conscious the whole time, but my instinct was to grab the wheel, keep my head down, and hold on.
From the wreckage, it appears that my truck made a 180 and hit the guard rain and road sign on the drivers side, going backwards. It was a long 10 seconds. The longest of my life. The first thing I thought coming out was "Oh no! My parents don't have the money for this!" I felt around, slowly realizing that, yes, this had really just happened. I felt in the cup holder for my phone. It wasn't there. I climbed out of the passenger side, as the drivers side was too smashed up to get out of. I looked around on the ground for my phone. Ya right. So I went back to the truck to check on stuff. My camera was fine. My sunglasses were fine. My tri-pod was fine. And my phone has somehow ended up underneath me in the drivers seat. I called my parents, a wreck. Through various events, ODOT showed up and called my a tow truck, my Dad made it up to my crash site, and EMTs and State Police came up. The EMTs took a look at the wreckage and weren't sure how I came out of it without a scratch. I know how: The grace of God.
God used that night to change everything. First off, I don't want to die. I came face to face with my own mortality for the first time, and it scared me out of death. Second, I realized the reality of the fragility of life. Anyone around me could die, just like that. God keeps us all alive for a reason. For some, its because He wants to use them. For many, its because He's giving them chances everyday to discover His amazing, amazing love for them. I tell people, especially my family, "I love you." as often as possible. I realize that I am here for a reason.
The thing that has changed in me the most is something I only discovered this week: Most Christian perspectives on God are correct. Yes, we all have slightly different perceptions of Him. But I believe God gives us each little glimpses of who He is because our minds are too small to comprehend Him. I have been talking quite a bit with a guy from school who is Eastern Orthodox, which shook my perspectives up quite a bit. I started asking myself if I was wrong about who God is, but what I've realized is no. He sees one side of God, and I see another. It's not right, not wrong, just different. The experience I had with God last year was 100% real. And I know that because others are continuing in that reality.
So I have to remember that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Yes, life goes on, showing me new and different things, growing in who I am. And so I go on, learning and growing, and I wait on God's timing. He is in control. As long as I am praying to be in His Will, He will help me step by step towards that Will. And it will be in His own unique plan for me.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
SMT, Part 8= Camp Morrow- Back to the Past
This weekend is the Ecola Reunion back in Cannon Beach. Sadly, since I'm in Grand Rapids with no money or time, there was NO WAY I could have ever gotten back there to participate. But being there with everyone or not, I'm still feeling nostalgic towards the past year, especially with SMT. It snowed this week, so therefore I miss summer, and because I miss summer, I miss camp ministry A TON. Though I'll be making movies this summer at school, I won't be doing any camp ministry (At least, as far as I can tell. God can get me somewhere if He wants me somewhere at some point.). So I've been going through Facebook pictures since last night, reliving the camp experiences and confronting some of the ghosts I've previously mentioned.
So getting back to this brief story of my summer, we took off from Five Mile Lake in Federal Way, WA and made our way south down I-5 towards Oregon. When we crossed the WA/OR border, we were ecstatic! It was the first time I had been in Oregon in a month, the longest I had ever been out of the state before that point. We were so happy to the the Portland city scape from a distance. There is just something so magical about Oregon... It really is my first love. We made our way east towards Matt and Katie's house again in Redmond, and continued on to Bend, where we visited their Grandfather, who was coming to his last days, which is why we went out of way to go there. We had been praying for his salvation for months up to this point and it was that day that we received some amazing news: He had accepted Christ! That was so amazing for Matt and Katie to come home to. :)
And so we made our way to Camp Morrow in Wamic, OR. This camp was extremely cool for Katie, Matt, and I because it's the camp we all have been previously appart of. Katie and Matt were staff during previous summers (in fact, it was there that Matt had rededicated his life to the Lord). And though I never went to Morrow itself, my high school camp, Columbia River Bible Camp, used the grounds the week after Morrow was done for the summer (which was the next week after ours which Kylie Marble, a girl I'd attended the camp with, and the other SMT got to go to). So it was really cool to go back and be in a place that had changed my life so much.
First off, the theme of the camp was really cool. It was army themed, and our shirts and name tags were awesome! Anywho, my cabin's name was 'Corinth', a cabin I had been in during my senior year of high school with an Ecola grad as my counselor, so felt really cool and grown up. I had a cabin of 6 boys: Nathan, Orville, Alex, Chance, Hayden, and Orlando, and my co-counselor was Norm. It was a great group of boys, who I believe were 4th-6th grade if I remember right. These boys were amazing! At first I was worried, as some seemed too out of control for me, but when we got to know each other, they soon learned to respect me and my rule of law. These boys asked the most amazing questions about the Bible, questions which blew away the other counselors during the morning meetings. I found myself in a cabin who once again were all Christians already, so it was my job to help grow them as much as I was able. And they were so hungry! It made my life so happy :)
My biggest challenge, yet blessing was Orlando. He had ADHD, and not the fake label type. It was legit. Chapel was the craziest, as he didn't have the capacity to sit still or not talk. So during worship, he would do parkure and during speaker time, he would yell out things like, "Jesus!" or "Bob 4!" or (my personal favorite "Bob 1 and Bob 4 have moved in together!" At first, I thought he would be the torment of my soul. But as time went on, I loved him more and more. It started out being "No... he's not my camper..." to "YA! That's my kid!"
The single most impactful thing that Orlando did for me was on the very last day. The kids had packed up and the parents had arrived. We were in the final chapel time and Orlando was going crazy during the worship time. When the speaker got up to speak, I reigned Orlando in and forced him into my lap. He was looking around and he spotted his parents. He looked up at me and said, "My mommy and daddy are here!" I told him to pay attention for just a little longer and he curled up in my lap. In that single moment, I knew I wanted to be a dad. Before that point, it had just been an expected option, but right there in that moment, I knew I wanted to be a dad.
This was a camp that I met a ton of people and got to know them really well. A lot of camps I got to know people here and there, but at Morrow, we are instantly part of the family. From doing games out in the field, to being in charge of boats in the afternoon, to doing Bible memory time (which the camp executed BEAUTIFULLY) with Melanie, to frisbee golf with my campers, this camp will forever be in my heart. Also, this was the week that Brian Chan, my RA at Ecola, and his then fiance Joanna came to visit, which was so great and just what I needed that week! :)
This one was really hard to say goodbye to. But we did. We packed up and hit the road toward our final camp in Montana. Then we realized that I had forgotten our Ecola board in the chapel and we had to go back and grab it.
Then we continued onward.
So getting back to this brief story of my summer, we took off from Five Mile Lake in Federal Way, WA and made our way south down I-5 towards Oregon. When we crossed the WA/OR border, we were ecstatic! It was the first time I had been in Oregon in a month, the longest I had ever been out of the state before that point. We were so happy to the the Portland city scape from a distance. There is just something so magical about Oregon... It really is my first love. We made our way east towards Matt and Katie's house again in Redmond, and continued on to Bend, where we visited their Grandfather, who was coming to his last days, which is why we went out of way to go there. We had been praying for his salvation for months up to this point and it was that day that we received some amazing news: He had accepted Christ! That was so amazing for Matt and Katie to come home to. :)
And so we made our way to Camp Morrow in Wamic, OR. This camp was extremely cool for Katie, Matt, and I because it's the camp we all have been previously appart of. Katie and Matt were staff during previous summers (in fact, it was there that Matt had rededicated his life to the Lord). And though I never went to Morrow itself, my high school camp, Columbia River Bible Camp, used the grounds the week after Morrow was done for the summer (which was the next week after ours which Kylie Marble, a girl I'd attended the camp with, and the other SMT got to go to). So it was really cool to go back and be in a place that had changed my life so much.
First off, the theme of the camp was really cool. It was army themed, and our shirts and name tags were awesome! Anywho, my cabin's name was 'Corinth', a cabin I had been in during my senior year of high school with an Ecola grad as my counselor, so felt really cool and grown up. I had a cabin of 6 boys: Nathan, Orville, Alex, Chance, Hayden, and Orlando, and my co-counselor was Norm. It was a great group of boys, who I believe were 4th-6th grade if I remember right. These boys were amazing! At first I was worried, as some seemed too out of control for me, but when we got to know each other, they soon learned to respect me and my rule of law. These boys asked the most amazing questions about the Bible, questions which blew away the other counselors during the morning meetings. I found myself in a cabin who once again were all Christians already, so it was my job to help grow them as much as I was able. And they were so hungry! It made my life so happy :)
My biggest challenge, yet blessing was Orlando. He had ADHD, and not the fake label type. It was legit. Chapel was the craziest, as he didn't have the capacity to sit still or not talk. So during worship, he would do parkure and during speaker time, he would yell out things like, "Jesus!" or "Bob 4!" or (my personal favorite "Bob 1 and Bob 4 have moved in together!" At first, I thought he would be the torment of my soul. But as time went on, I loved him more and more. It started out being "No... he's not my camper..." to "YA! That's my kid!"
The single most impactful thing that Orlando did for me was on the very last day. The kids had packed up and the parents had arrived. We were in the final chapel time and Orlando was going crazy during the worship time. When the speaker got up to speak, I reigned Orlando in and forced him into my lap. He was looking around and he spotted his parents. He looked up at me and said, "My mommy and daddy are here!" I told him to pay attention for just a little longer and he curled up in my lap. In that single moment, I knew I wanted to be a dad. Before that point, it had just been an expected option, but right there in that moment, I knew I wanted to be a dad.
This was a camp that I met a ton of people and got to know them really well. A lot of camps I got to know people here and there, but at Morrow, we are instantly part of the family. From doing games out in the field, to being in charge of boats in the afternoon, to doing Bible memory time (which the camp executed BEAUTIFULLY) with Melanie, to frisbee golf with my campers, this camp will forever be in my heart. Also, this was the week that Brian Chan, my RA at Ecola, and his then fiance Joanna came to visit, which was so great and just what I needed that week! :)
This one was really hard to say goodbye to. But we did. We packed up and hit the road toward our final camp in Montana. Then we realized that I had forgotten our Ecola board in the chapel and we had to go back and grab it.
Then we continued onward.
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